Tales and Snippets.

so take off all your clothes

2009-06-16T00:35:00.008-04:00

im about to dump my head out

2009-06-14T23:03:00.007-04:00

When things get bottled up in my brain, its not good. I think about a lot of things and they float around until I write them down. Once its on paper its all good, I am less stressed. I stress very easily. I used to have big problems. Dust stresses me out, and it used to stress me out to the point that even if I was late for work at 8h00 am in the morning, if I saw dust, I would have to clean it. Every time I saw something crooked or misplaced I would have to straighten it out. I still have big problems with making the bed, the curtains and the place mats on my table. The cushions on my couch too. It drives me crazy but I can't help it. Sometimes I place the shoes on our entrance rug without even freaking noticing. It keeps me from being on time and living normally. I could be in the middle of watching a movie, but if my eye sees a chair not pushed in at the table, its too late. I have to get up and push it, yes, just to sit back down again and enjoy the rest of the movie. Some people don't understand. The cupboard doors have to be closed, dishes always need to be done, the drying cloth needs to be hanged right, the garbage can is crooked, the pictures are slanted... I am very visual and things in my sight need to be very near perfect, clean and orderly. I am better though, I used to be really crazy. As I mentioned, my loose thoughts stress me out and I used to make lists of the things I was going to do in chronological order a day in advance and write down the times at which these things would occur to help myself cope with the relentless stress. I used to jog in the morning and I would meet my friend at 6h30 am. Here's an example of the list I would leave on my night stand.

Wake up - 6h00 am

Put clothes on - 6h01 am

Put deodorant on - 6h03 am

Put perfume on - 6h04 am

Brush teeth - 6h05 am

etc...

And if I was late by a minute doing any one of these tasks, I would be very stressed out.

But like I said, I don't do this anymore. I still make daily lists in my notebook but there are no longer any times and I am no longer overly stressed if I don't accomplish everything. I even forget some days.

But... I am a little stressed because I am a little behind in life. I have a beautiful friend in Uganda who had written me a novel of an email about her amazing and lovely experience who I have yet to get back to and I missed the premiere of the music video I was in and I have yet to write a life long message to an old school teacher of mine that I adore and adored me. He wrote to me at least over 2 weeks ago dying to know what I was up to and my lazy self is in procrastination overdrive. Yuck. My car muffler needs to be replaced immediately because I have already had a warning from a cop on my way to work 4 days ago and he gave me 3 days to fix it. If I get pulled over again for loud car parts, I'm doomed with a fine. I need to do groceries. I need to call my sister and Sweat Pea. What else? I think thats it. I need to get my notebook because tomorrow I have the day off and I will be doing all this important stuff. Ok, I kinda feel better now. Thanks. Would you like some recent photo's of me? Okay you twisted my arm! I went for a nice meal and walk the other night...

As I always say, I hope to be back again soon with the inside scoop on my very fun and busy life!

Honesty

2009-06-08T16:41:00.002-04:00

surrounded by loud distractions

I await my wings

my pure attraction

my glowing, fiery

strong desire

-my fire

I'm sipping cider

The bar is alive

I wonder how many folks

are wise

I love my eyes

I write with a pen

I do not like

I think my drink is dimming the

lights

In my mind

I wish it would numb

The noise in my ears

I'll sit here waiting

writing

until you return

you're outside having a smoke

Hello Internet. It's me, Sarah Katie Holmes and I'm funny.

2009-06-03T22:22:00.005-04:00

I've been gone for ages once again, but seriously, what's new? Let's not linger on that, although I do miss the days when I was blogging daily. Makes me feel so good. I've been going out a lot lately. I love it. I love to dance. I don't drink, I just sweat. I love dancing with my sister.

Guess what!? I bought a new mattress and boxspring! It's awwwwesome. I have the most freaking comfortable mattress in all the universe. Don't even try to debate. But seriously, its wonderland.

Firstly we snagged a super deal: 40% rebate on a Simmons Beauty Rest mattress. It has individual pocket coils, and that translated means this: Let's say you and I are laying side by side on my mattress (you wish). If you decide to bounce your body up and down like a 5 year old next to me, get this, I don't feel a thing! Well, a teeny tiny super miniscule smidgeon. It's so comfy and I'm in love. You should have seen me a few hours ago. I was kinda feeling like Miss Alba in Good Luck Chuck. Remember the way Jess talks about how she just "loves loves loves" penguins?

In other VIP news a music video I star in as the lead gal comes out June 12th for a CD Release/Launch party! Will post asap.

Yawn. Me so sleepy. See you tomorrow?

I live the way I feel.

2009-05-29T23:15:00.004-04:00

Seems to me I'm lazy but ultimately I'm tired. Too tired for you internet. I'm helping people live in the non-digi world so I'm extra busy. I love to dance. Pretty sure I've mentioned that a few times. I missed the auditions for so you think you can dance. Man I was so excited about it. Missed my shot. Even though I work on call and got called for work the day of, it's my fault. Where the heck is my passion, my drive and my confidence? Hm, and I always thought I was super. I would like to talk about things I like now to cheer me up.

I like this picture. It's fun and I took it. Those are my tootsies. I am not the best at taking pictures but I try because I believe I am an artist. In my world anyway.

I run and talk and walk- I'm hot

You say, they say, words all ok

I wonder why I think I'm cool

I don't do the things I ought to do

I don't mean bad

I do no wrong

I sing the song

Beautifully

But I'm not writing the lyrics.

my oh my never wanna say goodbye!

2009-05-21T17:40:00.013-04:00

It was too beautiful out to be inside today, but alas, life is not fair. That's why I have a job. But you know what, it's not fair to judge either. I may work with people who have deficiencies, but they're happy and chatty. They might not always say or act or do the right thing, but after all, nobody's perfect.

I just came back from the gym. I bought a pass after buying my bathing suit. Gotta get rid of those suit fears somehow! Plus, it seems to go hand in hand. Besides, I love the gym, it's so motivating and I love to run.

I went outside for my break today-of course! It was hot and windy and awesome!

Hahaha. I love myself. This is dorky and I'm nutty!

old news is still hot news.

2009-05-21T00:39:00.009-04:00

Cheeeeeese Whiz. Dang it's been cold lately and the weather channel has been giving bogus reports. "Oh yes there's going to be a high today of 20 degrees..." Yeah, at 7hpm for 5 minutes. Sheesh. Yark I'm complaining! I don't like to complain, complainers suck BT. (big time) I am just really counting on tomorrow for some positivity and sunshine. I have a lot of nice shirts that I would like to not hide under a sweat shirt or jacket please. They're saying 21 in the morning and 29 for the afternoon. If this comes through with no chilly wind I am in for such a spoiled treat! Sleep tight Montreal and tomorrow wear sunscreen! (excited!)

I just wanted to announce that my bestest friend in the whole wide world got MARRIED! For the last week, almost two weeks now, she's been a wifey to some lucky fellar! I told you all about the wedding though. Remember?

I feel like I gave her away! Sniff :(

She looked absolutely amazing.

Congratulations to Megan Brittany Savage and Benjamin Bouffard. May your love remain youthful and full of the little things. I wish ever lasting strength and hope to your team and all the cute little additions you make ;)

It was a lovely wedding followed by a scrumptious dinner and a happenin' reception! A great start to a great life together.

Haha. The End.

2009-05-21T00:25:00.005-04:00

Hey look at me! Already starting to feel like the bathing suit is second skin. Still crazy shy but I think the glasses are giving me a bit of confidence :)

I just wanted to show it to you again, on me, matched with my cool glasses. I'm really digging it. The colors make me shine from the inside out. It's pretty, it matches my heart.

I'm excited to get rid of my bathing suit fears and strut the strut! Walk the walk and talk the talk baby.

just when you thought i was crazy

2009-05-19T18:07:00.008-04:00

I have a swim suit phobia. Ok. So it's not really a fear and more like an insecurity but hey, what can I say? When it comes to some things, I'm just like everybody else.

I bought lots of stuff today. Shades times 3.

I love to dance, oh yes boogie wonderland. I won a contest at my hometown joint without knowing it. Coors light girls came up to me and said: "we need more people like you around here!" They handed me a gift card to bikini village. This all makes sense because that night the bar was decked out in Hawaiian; it was a beach party theme.

I really don't enjoy prancing around in little strings in public. First of all, it makes me very nervous that my lovely lady lumps stress a delicate string and ga-glump. Out pops a bump. Scary. The other reasons, while I must say there are a few, run along the lines of embarrassing, shy, don't like my body naked that much, cellulite...

So today I trucked on down to BV and bought a bikini. Guess what. Did you know the mirrors inside the cabins at bikini village have a sepia tint to them? It's amazing! The owners purposefully tinted the glass to make the shoppers' reflection appear tan, blemish-less and pretty much perfect. The mirror completely erases all imperfections. Although it makes you feel good while you're trying on the bathing suits, which can often be very unpleasant if you detest your own self image, it is very unrealistic. A tactic to enhance sales for sure. Whatever, I haven't owned a bathing suit since I was 14, so this gift card was a kick in the butt for me. Just get a suit Sarah, you're not that bad. Now that I have it, wearing it is going to be the hard part.

All in all though, what a lovely gift! It' s so cute and colorful! :)

burst. bursted. bursting.

2009-05-18T23:28:00.009-04:00

I don't even know where to begin. I don't think it matters because if you think about it the beginning started a really long time ago.

So I've been away, yes this is true. Things aren't perfect but I think that that's the only thing that actually is perfect.

I'm not always going to know what to do. I am not always going to have the answers. There are many answers I will never have. I won't always be able to cope by myself. I am not always going to be happy. It's funny but true that uncertainty is about the only thing we can rely on, and if that makes you feel down you have to remind yourself that, although there are unpleasant surprises, some outcomes are very exciting.

The important thing is the bottom line. Dear bloggy and it's readers, I'm back.

I have a most wonderful inner child. She comes out when I'm blue. When I'm alone and I need to cheer myself up, I dress up :) Even if it's late and I have nowhere to go. It's one of my most favorite things to do. Just because we stop playing with barbies doesn't mean we stop the game. I'm the barbie now. I dress myself up and I run my own life. Life is so quirky. I like loop holes, but not the lazy kind.

A hello kiss! Here I am! I feel good when I look good so it's all good in the hood :)

So like, next topic please! I'm back and ready to art attack! Do you know that show? I used to watch it all the time. It was my favorite. I remember missing it once. I cried. I love the crafts and Neil's accent. The ending was the best, the landscape art attacks. My sisters and I would always yell out what we thought it was going to be. He's really amazing. You have to watch this one.

I am in love. I am in love. I am in love.I am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in love. with life

It`s not you it`s me.

2009-05-13T11:11:00.003-04:00

This blog is supposed to be about happy things and it is. It`s about discovering things. Learning things. Loving things. Realizing things. Sharing things.

I love my life. I value my life. I think I have a beautiful life. I live with confidence and determination and hope. I believe that things can always change and that we can always make our lives better. I believe that love is real and strong and is the energy you cannot find when everything is wrong. I believe that we are the creators of our own love.

I may be away from posting for a while. As I said, this blog is about the happy things in my life. Yesterday, my family suffered an unthinkable family emergency. For the moment things are under control, and nobody has left us, but we are still dealing with the major consequences. I only write when I am happy, and for the moment nothing inside of me feels anywhere near happy, and things that did make me feel good, well, I just don`t feel the same when I think about them anymore. I may be away for a week at least but possibly more.

Life`s not always easy and it`s definitely not a fairy tale. Things happen, unexpectedly. I love my family and my heart hurts right now. It hurts a lot. I`m feeling like this is sticking to me hard and I`ve been tough a long time. I feel a wave coming on and I`m going away on sad vacation.

I hope to be back soon. Right now I have hearts and minds to help heal, as well as my own. I don`t have time for anything else; this is my main priority right now. Nothing is more important.

Be back soon friends.
Love, Sarah xo

Explosive Thinking

2009-05-12T11:28:00.002-04:00

I just want to play all day long I don't care if I have things to do like the dishes and putting away all my shoes because I want to throw a frisbee in the air and watch it glide because it's pretty and simple and I like looking at it even if the floors need to be swiffered upstairs. I want to do it with you.

My closest is huge but still it's exploding and I can't shut the drawers to my dressers and I know that when summer is here I'll be wanting to go to the nifty stores downtown that sell second hand things with an iced latte from a cool no name cafe and I'll be consumed by the colors and nothing will stop me from buying the things I know will make me happy. I have a big problem

Hey. Miss me?

2009-05-11T22:13:00.008-04:00

Long time no see. I've been busy. Busy as heck. Working a lot. But I love it. Oh my love-life-happy-dance do I ever love it. It's not always easy to work with people who can't express themselves well, or at all due to vocal incapabilities, but it's rewarding. Last week, I worked with a woman who was blind, deaf and mute. We communicated through sign language, and I can't even tell you how special that is. It's a gift. I have an amazing job. I work on call right now but that's ok, I'll deal.

My best friend got married on Saturday and I promise to blog about that. I have breath-taking photos. Mother's Day was Sunday and my oldest sister Elise turned twenty-two today. I've been running around of late. I'm sure you didn't mind my absence. I've had some lovely days.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

2009-05-05T21:58:00.012-04:00

West Side Montreal

I went to the movies all by myself. Actually I went to the IGA and bought some pre-packaged sushi first for supper. Two thirds of it was delicious but my last pieces were gross. Put one in my mouth, chewed it, realized I couldn't swallow it, spit it in my hand and chucked it. I spilled a little bit of soya sauce on my car seat. Oops.

I didn't exactly know what I was doing when I started driving. I gave myself two options: grocery shopping or mall. When I realized my body was driving past Loblaws I figured it meant it wanted to go shopping. The mall was closed. It closes early on Mondays and Tuesdays. The movies weren't closed though. There weren't any movies I really wanted to see. Adventureland was playing at 7:30 and it was 7:30 so I said ok. The movie was the same: ok. I thought it was going to be a funny movie but it was more like teenage life/love movie. I mean, blandish. It had potential. I like the actors but not the flick.

I'd never gone to the theatres alone before. I wore my green skort. It's the only thing in my wardrobe Mike doesn't like. I love it. It's one of my most favorites. It's waist high. I love that. It billows. I love that too. Coming home from the theatres I wanted juice or something. I don't usually buy juice for my fridge. I figure if I don't it's better that way. It is. I drink water all the time. It's my favorite thing to drink. It's so wonderful. I like it cold. It's such a luxury if you think about it. You should think about it. @casiestewart knows. She does. Lots of people don't get clean water. It's very sad. Water is so beautiful too.

I walked into the shop and stared at all the drinks. There's so much to choose from. Lots of weird stuff. All these fantastic tasting drinks with no calories. That's strange. Cola. Sunny D. Did you know there's canola oil in Sunny D? Yuck! I realized I wanted a beer. I wanted Heineken. I don't really drink that stuff but I wanted it then. The lip of the bottle is rounded and it feels smooth on my mouth. I'm drinking it now. I only bought one bottle. I've never walked into a shop to buy a single beer before.

I like to be quiet sometimes.

Black board, Head board, Floor Board : Not bored

2009-05-04T19:50:00.002-04:00

I'd like you to meet my friends

2009-05-04T19:43:00.003-04:00

Anniversary, Anniversaire

2009-05-04T17:42:00.012-04:00

I didn't blog yesterday because I was really busy celebrating two very special events including three very special people. Yesterday, my parents celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary. I am so proud of them. Their journey is one of perseverance and strength. Their loving bond conquered their differences, their budgets, and everything else the world threw at them. When times were hard, they were hard but they never gave up. Instead, they braced themselves and stood side by side, holding hands, fingers laced with a firm grip. They made it :)

I look up to them with such pride and can only hope to have a love as strong last so long. They're my idols; they amaze me. And not only are they lovers, but they are best friends, and not only are they best friends, but most importantly of all, they're teammates. Way to go Team Maman & Dad. A french waitress and an english speaking Chef with some french phrases up his sleeve came to be and tested time. They won. Man they're cool.

May 3rd also marked the birthday of a very special person in my life. Somebody that I crossed paths with unintentionally but has changed my life drastically. I think we were destined to meet. He's in love with nature. More than me. His name is William Lee Shanks, but we just call him Lee. Lee makes snow in the winter at Owl's Head and scuba dives in the summer installing docks. He's amazing and I recently just inspired him to start his own blog. I can't wait until it gets started, until then I'll keep you posted. He has a really great outlook on life and I've enjoyed many thoughtful conversations with him. I rented a room in his house a year ago when my life was changing. His was changing too. We helped each other out, and our words still find us today. We stick together because we're two peas in a pod. He's pea 1 and I'm pea 2.

I had a wonderful and warm weekend.

i like myself the way i am

2009-05-02T20:06:00.009-04:00

think that I have unique eyes. They are big like my Dad's. They're green.

I think that I have an ok body. I'm working on it.

I like my mouth and I like my hair

I don't mind when people take pictures of me. I think I'm a good person.

my sister has a tat

2009-05-02T19:56:00.005-04:00

It's starting to fade a little so she has to get it touched up soon. She said it really hurt. I believe her. I think she's brave. As you can see her tattoo is a combination lock in the shape of a heart, and it's located on her chest, right above where her real heart is. The skin is sensitive there. She said it felt like somebody was cutting her open. The tattoo took 2 hours and a half to draw. I think she's crazy. It looks cool though. It looks like it's hooked right into her skin. I still think she is brave.

sometimes i write like im someone else

2009-05-01T23:44:00.004-04:00

I am a secret

You're a tale

Do I believe in what you know?

I have power over you.

poopy dooped

2009-04-30T20:10:00.005-04:00

is exactly what I am right now. Today I had my first integration with the clients of the CRDI. Did you read the post about the new job I started? Everyone was so great, and I had so much fun. I can feel it in my bones already, I'm going to love this job. I love people so much.

I felt a little negative on the road today because I was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. I don't like that feeling and as if by some mind-reading force my maman called. So, I let it out and I cried a little bit and not just because of the traffic. I've been tired of late and after a long shift (8h30-17h30) and not seeing Mike's car in the driveway, well, I wanted some positivity- and love. She made me feel all better and I can talk to her about the job because she's been working there for 23 years. She's my ever-lasting support. Thank you maman. Je t'aime beaucoup.

Put on your coat and don't frown yo!

2009-04-29T23:06:00.007-04:00

It was chilly-ish today. A week ago we were ecstatic to have 15 degree weather, but since we had that summer-hot Saturday & Monday, 15 degrees sucks? Com'on folks, quit complaining. It's annoying and negative. Surely it's nippy, but don't cuss about it. It's April!

I looked fly this morning with my white-as-snow blazer cruising down Taschereau sporting my favorite pink aviators. Took me forever to find those babes. Searched high and low and could not find these shades. Finally found them being sold by a dude in the subway. Paid five bucks. He had two pairs left. I bought both.

Something about white makes me feel fancy. I dryclean this jacket to keep it crisp, which makes me feel fancy too.

I liked my hair today. Au naturel. My lip gloss matched my lenses.

here I walk

along the curb

the traffic is thick

the mass is moving quickly

slowly I follow

dragging my toes

sauntering

my drive is just a little dusty

my confidence a little rusty

I'll merge when I trust you will yield

then you won't pass me

anymore

you will find me

when the time is right

Le Pont, Le Pont Merveilleux!

2009-04-29T22:42:00.003-04:00

Every morning I drive to work, which is only part time right now because I am temporarily working on call, I see a structure that fascinates me. For the longest time now I've wanted to share it with you, but by the time I think of it, it's too late; I'm already under it, more than half-way through.

This morning was perfect. I remembered on the best day. By now, if you're annoyed with my daily blogging of the sun, take a hike! The sun makes me happy and today it was shining all over the city.

So my secret gem? My favorite part of Montreal is The Champlain Bridge. The Jacques Cartier Bridge is sweet too but I never take it. It's spectacular, I love driving under it.

Just to calm the peeps freaked by the driving and cell phone usage. No worries. At no time was I looking into the lens. Eyes on the road at all times :) I like to drive with one hand and I pretty much always do. Holding the phone was like holding an apple or anything really. Twas safe!

I am so proud I remembered today! Awesome, isn't it? I think it's heavenly.

inside my head.

2009-04-28T20:42:00.006-04:00

It was rainy today. I would say yuck but I had marvelous luck. As I ripped the sheets off my legs this morning I realized the sun was shining brilliantly through my open window- is it going to be nice today? I wondered. I checked the mac to see if the stats had changed but no, thunder showers were still expected in the afternoon's forecast. Damn I thought. Now I have to wear a jacket.

The sun shone lovely this morning. I got lost on my way to a new location for work today. I was ten minutes late which was such a bummer because had it not been for getting lost mixed with traffic (deadly combination) I would have been early.

During a 15 minute breather from the board room I went outside to check the weather. It was barely drizzling and it was warm. I stood in the freckly rain and it felt good on my skin.

Work finished early- yes. The rain was up, gone-zo. Hmm, cool I thought. I was stuck in yuck traffic on the ten when all of a sudden...

Sorry, I know the pictures and the clip overall is of poor quality- as in blurry. But want to know a secret? The making, editing and trimming of this video was all done on my Sony Ericsson Walkman cell phone. Yes, text, everything. While roaming my cell's different devices, I discovered a little application called Video DJ. Amazing how far along technology has come. I'm amazed anyway.

2009-04-27T13:58:00.003-04:00

crazy, wacky, tasty and nasty

2009-04-27T13:21:00.013-04:00

I decided to come home for lunch after a long apartment hunting session this morning. My sister needs a new joint for July and what a perfect day to walk the sunny streets with the temperature at a current 24 degrees. Mind boggling.

John and my sister Alexa went to the deppanneur to pick up some stuff and and came back with Bean Boozled Jelly Beans by Jelly Belly, a small box contaning "weird & wild flavors". The teeny box held a variety of ten different colors, but twenty different flavors. For every color you can either pick a wonderful tasting jelly bean or a nasty, disgusting, revolting, gag-inducing jelly bean. The catch, if you haven't yet caught on, you cannot tell the difference between the jelly beans. Example: Pencil Shavings and Top Banana are the same color. No telling which flavor will invade your taste buds until you actually start to chow down, so you basically have a 50/50 shot of picking something good or bad. It's fun, gross, exciting, funny and narsty, but mostly just funny, and a little scary.

Ok, be prepared to laugh until your sides split. Seriously, I would even go as far to say that you should maybe get some Depends.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA times infinity.

late night ramblings

2009-04-27T02:20:00.006-04:00

It's late but I don't want to sleep. I really have to soon though. I have to get up early and go look at an apartment with Alexa. I went to the corner store to buy cola and chips. I'm not even eating the chips. I don't know why I bought them. I'm not hungry. I'm waiting for you. I sorta dressed up to go to the store. It's one in the morning and my sister said what does it matter, nobody's even gonna see me but it does matter. It matters because I feel like I look good and I don't try and look good by other people's standards. I have my own style thank you very much and I don't care if you think I look like a Grandma because I do wear my Grandma's old stuff sometimes and I don't think anything is wrong with that. I think I look cool as heck. I wore flower prints. Where in the world are you. Oh, speak of the devil you're unlocking the door.

1 + 1 = 1

2009-04-26T16:53:00.002-04:00

Dear Earth: I love you

2009-04-26T13:58:00.014-04:00

Wednesday was Earth Day. I told myself I wouldn't turn any lights on or buy anything but I didn't entirely succeed. I bought lunch at The Eaton Centre because I was really hungry and I flicked the switches on in my apartment a few times accidentally. Thanks to my sister who was well reminded of my goals-of-the-day. I enjoyed a quiet candle-lit evening in my illuminated apartment. It was awesome. I could do that every night.

Work is swell. I'm still in school (training) but I love it. I'm learning so much interesting matter. Next week is my first integration (as a hired employee) with the clients. I can hardly keep quiet about it :)

Man I love this earth. Ever just look at the sky and get lost in it? Or stare at a tree? I mean, really look at it? Identify every detail? Imagine how it must feel? I really feel so close to nature, we're friends, for sure. I was driving on the ten the other day and became consumed by the sky. The sun was playing hide and seek in the clouds. It glowed on my skin then it hid, tickled my nose and then hid again. Silly sun.

How about that sun? How about this crazy warm even HOT weather? It was 26+ yesterday! I was outside sweating. In April? It's exciting but scary. My arms only started to chill around midnight last night, but up until then it was still warm enough for me and my tank top. I think I got a little sunburn.

summer dresses bare feet sticky neck summer heat straggly hair dirty nails bathing suit tan lines warm sand cool breeze humid air sandals bermuda shorts tube tops ice cream beach sun

wear socks you stubborn mule

2009-04-23T20:54:00.004-04:00

whenever the wind

licks the inside of my toes

I am cold

how come you never warm me?

I am the one to blame.

first day on the job

2009-04-23T19:29:00.012-04:00

I can't believe that I've been unemployed for almost two months now. That's nuts! I definitely took advantage though and appreciated that I could more-than-afford the time off. It was sad to realize, however, that my free days were over. Did they ever do me good though.

Monday was my first day of work clocked in at CRDI Monteregie Est. My maman has been working for this company for about 23 years now. My new job title is "assistante en readaption". As it entitles, this position consists of aiding and assisting in the re-adaptation of people with mental and physical deficiencies. The end result is very rewarding. Ps- check out the link and read a few paragraphs. just a few :)

When I was a little girl I used to travel with my mom to work all the time; I loved it. I like people and I like interacting, and I felt very comfortable communicating with these people. I helped with meals and activities; it all came so naturally to me. I could look at them and see them as my equal, understanding that they were human beings just like me with thoughts, emotions, wants and needs. I am still just as passionate about people, all kinds, and especially the wonder and challenge of conversing with someone who cannot verbally express themselves. You have to go the extra mile to comprehend the needs of the person. It's amazing, and the bond is unique.

I can't wait to get started! Before any real hands on can begin, a mandatory training is, well, required. Today was my third day of training. Today I learned self-deffense tactics. It was really fun learning, but I'm expecting a few bruises tomorrow :)

Monday and Tuesday was like one long lecture. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited to learn how to approach, understand, integrate, assess and aid our clients, it's just a lot of information to absorb in such a short period of time. I am extremely keen on learning the symptoms and causes for certain behavior's, outbursts, attitudes, mannerisms and conditions. I am even more eager to apply my knowledge so that I may assist the clients in overcoming their problems and issues. I want to help make my clients' lives better, I want to help them adapt to a better lifestyle.

I can't wait to be a pro! I can't wait to get my hands dirty! Oh boy, and I will. Literally..... If only you knew some of the horror stories I've heard! Don't you know some clients need help going to the washroom? And many also need to be bathed? Dear adventure, please try not to give me too many unpleasant surprises!

on another note:

2009-04-21T23:09:00.008-04:00

My maman is adorable. She comments on my blog posts from Facebook because she knows how to log onto my father's account and click on my notes. (I authorized automatic imports) Even though I saved the URL to her favorites and showed her how to access it, she hasn't quite caught on yet. I'm sure she'll read this too... not making fun Maman! Kiss!

I sure miss my older sister, Elise. It feels like I haven't seen her in a while. She's a McGill student in animal health technology. She's really busy with exams at the moment, and last weekend old roommates vacated as a new one moved in. Hopefully I'll be able to reach her tomorrow.

IN BREAKING NEWS! I just got off the phone with my best friend. I've known her since elementary school. Through thick and thin, our friendship has survived bumps, jumps, failures and victories. I could spend a year telling you about every detail of our intimate and shameless bond. She's the reflection of me, except taller and blonde. Oh- and she's a Jehovah's Witness.

No it has not been easy. I took a lot of time, effort and sincerity to understand and gather a fair knowledge about her religion. As her best friend, not only was it written in the invisible code of friendship to respect it, but also be familiar with this belief; something that played a bigger role than being a part of her life. Being a witness was her life and still very much is.

I've attended book studies and assembly's and have had endless midnight conversations lying next to her in the same single bed, or cabin, or wherever our adventures took us. I am telling you, this is my hometown homie, my partner in crime. We celebrated Christmas and Halloween for several years together as children, back when her faith was less strong. But as high school ended she came to a realization of sorts and started studying passionately so that she could become baptized as a true Jehovah's Witness. I have never seen her happier, healthier or stronger.

Her baptism was unbelievable. There, before me, she walked down the steps of the in-ground pool until she was waist-deep. A few words were spoken before the priest slung one arm behind her back and placed one on her forehead, forcing her to trust his grip, sending her backwards underwater. Whether you believe in any religion or none at all, nothing could take away from the magic as she emerged, drenched, eyes closed and mouth open, gaspig for air. A moment I will never forget, I thought to myself, as tears rolled down my cheeks.

@Amberely's wedding

My heart is beating like crazy as I write this, but my best friend, Megan Brittany Savage, is getting married in two weeks. Yes, married. I am excited and nervous and overwhelmed all at the same time. I can't help but ask her repeatedly- are you sure that this is right? Do you have any doubt at all? I just want the best for my most favorite girl! And that's the breaking news- a hometown-infamous, inseparable team duo is facing the final test. Ok, so it's not really a test, it's more like a fairy-tale... the fairy-tale we've always dreamed of!

Stereotypically, best friends become each others' maid of honor. Unfortunately, this fairy-tale does not end as perfectly as we had hoped. To everyone else: a minor glitch, to us: devastation. I cannot, due to the fact that I am not a baptized Jehovah's Witness, be Megan's maid of honor. We tried for it, but alas, no go. I have had nine months to come to accept this, but even now, mere weeks before the ceremony, I find myself sad. After all the efforts and the distances travelled to be as supportive as possible, I find myself rejected. Also, I was not invited to the surprise bridal shower thrown by her Aunt, or the suprise lingerie shower thrown by her cousin. I felt excluded.

@ Amberely's wedding

Of course Megan did not have control over who came to her surprise parties, and I'm sure that I was unintentionally forgotten, especially since I am not close to her aunt or cousin and they do not know me well either. As for the maid of honor dilemma, that's a rule we didn't manage to bust. So instead, Megan and her husband-to-be decided not to have any groomsmen or bridesmaids stand next to them at the alter. I know, big move. I was so flattered by the motion, she really is my best friend. She told me, "If you can't stand there, nobody will." The bridesmaids and groomsmen will sit front row however, with me :)

also @ Amberely's wedding (her sister)

I love Megan and I could never imagine a life without her. We've been there for each other, for everything. I am so excited for her special day!

while Boys work, Girls play

2009-04-20T22:58:00.004-04:00

Check out the last post, you'll know my good friend Lee temporarily fixed my junker. Looky at what me and my sister did while we waited and chatted with him :)

Funky Chicks

Groovy Baby!

Stayin' alive!

Imagination. Play time. Creativity

Alexa's pebble art

As it set...

we're "do-it-yourself" kind of folk

2009-04-20T22:44:00.006-04:00

On my way back to the city I decided I was going to drop by Foster, QC, a town occupying a couple hundred residents. Lee Shanks lives there, and before my move last year to Montreal, I lived there too.

I stayed in his comfy, country home on a dirt road. He has a chunk of land I used to love to play soccer on with his two son's Cameron and Dawson. I take the liberty of calling them my nephews. I am in love with those kids.

Turning into his driveway that late Sunday afternoon, my muffler decided it was going to crap out on me. I marched right on inside and said "Lee, come jimmy rig my station wagon, it broke.", and that's exactly what he did.

We're rednecks, country folk. We jimmy rig our cars with wire and bungee chords as the sun sets. I love you Lee.

when I was a younger writer.

2009-04-20T22:17:00.010-04:00

I had breakfast with my maman Sunday morning. She's an angel. I swear.

Abide by the rules

she would always say

She never lived

it seemed

to enjoy the day

But I do feel inside of me

A fault, a guilt

A crippled tree

For she never wronged

And she always cared

With a heart full of love

Beyond any compare

And though I truly

Loved her too

I never abided

By the rules

Today:

She's my best friend. I love her. She's cute. She's beautiful. She's wise. She's my idol. I aspire to have a heart as big as hers. She is so amazing and her love is so powerful. She moves people. She changes the world.

Emma Stevens: Vintage Lover

2009-04-20T18:22:00.013-04:00

This weekend I retreated to the country with my little sister Alexa to visit my folks. My daddy was painting the kitchen with his friend Kirk. Kirk's cool, he used to be in a band. Got out of the house though. The oil primer smelled like shit.

I went to Emma's. Emma is the founder of my hometown's theatre; Theatre Lac Brome. Knowlton, my town, is also known as Brome Lake; it's within the Eastern Townships. Emma is sweet: an artist. She's done a lot of work in the arts. She is an exceptional actress and is a part of ACTRA. Thanks to her, we're with the same agent. Experienced and exceptionally talented; she's been in the business a long time.

She also has a love for vintage. She opened her own joint in the downtown village: Grandpa. She named it in memory of her Grandad. His cane hangs on a wooden beam by the cash box with a small piece of paper that reads "Not for Sale".

I ain't mean-still feelin' so green :)

2009-04-17T21:39:00.008-04:00

Today was nice and warm. I didn't see the sun much, but I wasn't down.

I went to Jean Coutu today to buy some soap and somehow ended up spending 100 bucks. Holy smokes- I don't really know how that happened? When I got home I realized there was a pattern to my purchases...

#loveit

Rock on! This pan ain't made of teflon, it's ninety-nine percent recycled alum-i-num! It's made of ceramic powder, a 100% natural element from the earth- chemical free baby! I feel so groovy, like my toes are in the mud. I'm a stud- a lady stud that is. Woot!

my little mermaid!

2009-04-16T18:36:00.008-04:00

My little sister Alexa, with whom I have been spending a lot of time with recently, is in make-up artistry at Lasalle college: Interdec. Today she was a mannequin for her classmate Adrienne. Adrienne had a test today on body make-up. Her idea, was a mermaid. So, among many other naked people in thongs, my sister stood in a classroom and got her body painted today.

I asked her to keep some of it on her face for me to see. She showed up like this!

I laughed when she explained to me the millions of strangers' expressions taking the metro and bus back to my pad. Haha.

I would have loved to have showed you her 'clams', but that is strictly for her and my eyes :) Just so you know, the purple painted clams over her breasts were really cool, the make-up was very well done. Looked like Ariel's clams.

Damn Alexa, you make one fine mermaid.

good work makes morals beam

2009-04-16T15:27:00.012-04:00

I used to work here with a lot of amazing people.

I had such a blast. I met Sebastien whose desk was in front of mine. He moved to Quebec from France because his best friend's girl was in love with him. He loved her too but couldn't betray his best friend and moved to Quebec to prevent ruining their wedding-to-be. Sounds like a movie right? He intrigued me immediately.

He's so cool, he's so slick, he's smooth

He introduced me to Jamie Lidell, whose music I now adore. He was "slacked" as well as I was that summer, and he returned to his beautiful country. He was a really funny character. While working with him, we developed the best game: "The Desktop Background Battle". Whoever could find the weirdest or funniest picture on google images won. I laughed receiving and planting these gags. I typed words like "gross, strange and weird" and combinations of these words with funny in the search engine. I would anxiously await the moment when my co-worker would leave his computer.

I also worked with @Helen_Downie who still works there. She's an inspiring soul and a very active person. She's leaving in less than a month to go to Uganda to work with people who come from destroyed homes, but I'll reserve a post for that subject later.

I used to get soy-mocha lattees here.

They were delicious This cafe chain is tres cool. They live up to their title "Art Java". They make designer foam. I used to get heart or leaf shapes but they can create most anything you ask of them!

Last fall I volunteered for The Cancer Research Society's annual golf fundraiser. I served mimosa's to the ladies and gents as they arrived and later on in the day took over the "Betting Hole". I was assigned hole 18 I believe with two elderly women. Reva was hilarious! She complained about her free lunch provided by the CRS team, huddled under a blanket complaining about the cold and read her newspaper. Her and the other 'mature' woman have been volunteering for years. When I first met them I was scared to be left alone with them for the day: 2 old senile women. But we became friends and they encouraged me to do the raising-of-cash and explain the betting game to the players. Turned out to be the best day of the year, they were quite a pair!

I ended up raising 400$ at my hole alone. I found out later the players had the choice of betting, where as I explained to them as they arrived: "Hi! You've reached the betting hole! To play you must bet 5$....." We had a good laugh about it, but I was mortified!

In any case I stopped by the office for some papers the other day and decided to fill you in. It was nice to see old faces, new ones and simply smile at the memories :)

wake up and sing!

2009-04-16T13:40:00.004-04:00

Expressing my gratitude and appreciation this morning :)

....for the sun!

colorful day filled with gay!

2009-04-15T22:04:00.009-04:00

Cool chick

I ate lunch!

It was good!

I sipped my drink with a straw!

The sun shine light

bright so bright

its in my life

its in my sight

Alexa + Frisbee + Me

2009-04-15T20:51:00.007-04:00

Yesterday I hung out with my little sister Alexa

We woke up late but felt the sun's warm sunshine- and it moved us.

We started the day with homemade egg burritos. Can you say delicious? :)

Then we ran out to the park next to my building to play some Frisbee. It was windy-so we were challenged! We ran and dove for that Frisbee: so fun :) Boys joined us to play as they asked politely for permission. Eventually they tried to pick us up which we expected, but of course failed. I'm taken :) But at least they were really nice!

After 2 hours of Frisbee we retreated to the apartment. Remember my Turbo Jam workout with Helen Downie? Once inside Alexa and I attempted the thirty minute routine. Sweaty and hot- we then ran for the roof: to swim!

I have three elevators in my building but only one gets unlocked for the pool at a time. Unfortunately this elevator was busted so we had to go down and face my half-naked, hairy, old, super-intendant to let us up. Yark.

The water was cold at first but we quickly became accustomed. It's a little scary, swimming at nightfall, but the warm water was much to inviting and persuaded us to stay. My neighbor and his daughter came for a dip, but the little one didn't like having cold toes, so they left as quickly as they had come. Thankful for the tranquility and alone-time, Alexa and I swam a few laps and then called it a night.

A veggie burger and movie put us straight to sleep. We had such a wonderful day and the excersise felt so damn good. Frisbee + Turbo Jam + Swimming= Happy Campers!

famous Amos he amazed us!

2009-04-15T19:05:00.016-04:00

Amos Joannides himself :)

As previously tweeted and blogged, Monday evening I attended Amos Joannides' concert at my old high school auditorium.

on our way to see our friend Amos Joannides!

The opening band, Do Me Justice" was good. The music was awesome, the drummer was unique and very soulful. But the lead vocalist made out with the microphone- so gross. It's nasty when singers smush their mouths to the mic. I couldn't understand a thing.

I saw loads of peeps. Shane, Tracy, Eugene (Amos' brother), Ralph (co-actor) and the super @Helen_Downie!

Amos was absolutely insane- as usual. I love him lots. His music is so addictive and he writes poet-genius lyrics. Stuff that makes your heart glow and your mind free. I follow him around Montreal and attend all the gigs I can make it to but this was my first time sitting in a 200+ audience. He was magical, and his excitement and energy was beaming. We were clapping our hands, tapping our toes, closing our eyes and swaying our heads, all the while with a smile. Bliss.

He's so down-to-earth, and his music and words really reflect that. When he sings, he's all- giving.

He was accompanied by a back up vocalist and Alfredo, a cuban guitar genius. He picked some of the craziest notes I have ever heard live. Rock on.

All in all, Amos gave, yet again, another amazing performance. Everything about him makes me smile. You have to go to his website, www.amosj.com and I promise you will not regret it! :)

me and my new shirt!

notebook rhymes

2009-04-14T01:32:00.004-04:00

young one sleep

your heart still beats

with lights alive

your energy jives

but you should know

your youth will go

if you're not wise

with hungry eyes

a love will burn

in your willow

frail and worn

you'll need a pillow

so now you're open

absorb to see

run to magic

but rest your tree

it's ok to find out what you don't want to be.

2009-04-14T01:12:00.005-04:00

they talk and advise

she smiles but her crease is pursed

uncomfortable she zips

buttons

and ties up the laces

heels stick in every sidewalk crack

confused, she is wanted

joy is born into the heart of her unknowing peers

she's gone into a handbag

beside her lip gloss

a broken mirror

stubborn scurry there's no hurry.

2009-04-14T00:58:00.010-04:00

a sleepy head

won't get some rest

stubborn, stubborn

she forgets

what makes her happy

now she's stressed

her morals are a tangled mess

she thinks she's dealing with her chores

when she knows she's scared of 'bored'

scurry, scurry

she never stops

she needs a stab

she needs a flop

Easter Weekend Trend

2009-04-13T15:58:00.008-04:00

Writing in my notebook never stops. I was away from the internet this weekend. I missed it...I guess. I guess if I had to choose what aspect of it I missed, I would have to say the crowd, the interaction. I mean, I must admit I hope a few people are reading this thing, but only because I hope I am interesting. I think I am.

My family's thoughts on my notebook:

little cousins: " Qu'est ce que tu ecris?"

me: " N'importe quoi"

little cousins: "Est ce que c'est comme un journal?"

me: " Euuuhhhh.....oui. C'est comme un journal"

My grandmother sat across the table from me as I jotted down scribbled words and said to me in French:

"You'll write that you saw your grandmother's underwear!" - which happened- so it's true.

I laughed. She also said with a mouthful of Easter treats:

"You'll write in your notebook that you are watching a big pig shovel chocolate down it's throat!" She's funny. This stuff actually did end up in my notebook since some of what I share here comes from my notebook. Not for errors or editing/revising. Just because I have pen-withdrawal issues. I have an addiction. I had a really relaxing time in Thurso, QC with my grandmother Aurore. That's Aurora in English, pretty eh?

I finished my book over the Easter weekend. It was really good. I'm trying to figure out how to get in touch with Bruce, I have tons to say to him. The only address I have though is the publishing company in New York- arrrghhh. I'll get to digging in the dirt on that.

completely absorbed

Tonight I am really anxious to sit my ass in my old high school auditorium and watch one of my closest friends, Amos Joannides, perform an all-giving show. He's so amazing, really talented. He has a Jason Mraz vibe. You'll find me there tonight @ Massey Vanier high school @ 7hpm treating my mind and body to earthy, soulful music. "Quebec" is one of my favorites! You can listen/ sample all his songs on his website- and even buy/order a CD there! Have a listen!

www.amosj.com

music show tonight

the best kinds of friendship

2009-04-09T22:46:00.006-04:00

Had a sister day with Alexa yesterday <3

Super fun!

quiet simple floor work

2009-04-08T19:02:00.011-04:00

I worked on my scrapbook today.

but it's colorful on the inside
This is the book I'm reading

I really like this guy. Have you seen the Evil Dead movies? Army of Darkness? I don't like them at all. They're horrible. But that's the humor, and Bruce Campbell, the lead, is a great dude.

This is my notebook at the moment.

I love it. It feels right and the pen goes good on it. Plus the pages are line-less. Free open blank pages.

This is my typewriter.

I love this machine. Something about typing with it seems so crafty. The only bad news is when you're making good copies you absolutely can't make a mistake.

I wore my woolies today

Now it's dark all of a sudden. Time to turn the lights on. Or Candles.

this is what i am.

2009-04-08T00:22:00.004-04:00

I brush my hair at night

it feels real nice

Muddled mixed playing tricks

2009-04-07T17:08:00.012-04:00

I got a little messed up today

Dancing Montreal's beat

On cold, windy streets

Maybe a jokester

Ran through my feet?

Dressing room get up

Got annoyed

Left in a hurry

No clothes for me!

Realized later

My black tights were on inside out.

At The Eaton Centre.....

I decided to go all out and try clothes on and everything- knowing full well I wasn't buying. I don't really enjoy going into a tiny cubicle and undressing myself and trying on stuff, but I just get so darn curious: Will it look as good on me as it does on the hanger?

What irritated me this afternoon, so much that I left, were the girls trying clothes on in the cabin next to me. They said things like, like, like like, like - seriously. I even took out my notebook while changing just so I wouldn't forget some of the exact words.

" Omygod, this like, makes me look totally wide."

"Oh no, it really suits you, because, like, you're soooo skinny and you have a butt. Like, if you had no butt, you would look like a twig."

"Ok, good, because like, I don't know what I look like from behind."

They continued to say things like "You have a great body" , "I do? Oh thanks!", "Yeah, when I look at myself in the mirror I see a freak", "What? No, you're pretty You're sooooo thin"

They were both thin, stylish and beautiful. Sigh.

On another note....

Uptown girl, she's been living in her uptown world.

2009-04-07T15:49:00.006-04:00

I was a downtown gal today! I don't usually bustle around in the heart of the city much, I get awful claustrophobic. Seeing as I was already east, I decided to stop on my return home, at the Eaton Centre.

There weren't too many people so it was alright. I walked into Bikini Village hoping to find a cute one-piece suit, since I'm bathing suit shy. I have 25 free dollars to spend there, a gift certificate I won at a Beach Party for shaking my buns the mostest. I wasn't much in the mood though, and they didn't have much selection.

All of a crazy sudden the Eaton Centre was full of loud whistling noises! There seemed to be hundreds of students blowing whistles. I couldn't hear anything! It was so loud! I captured a clip on my celly. Not fab but check it out!

Translation "Symphonie pour une universite. En Crise Majeur" =A symphony for a university. In major crisis

I know, you can't even hear what I'm saying!

" There are people whistling in the Eaton Centre! I don't know why!"

" It's crazy! It's so loud!"

Turns out students were raising awareness for La Communaute De L'universite Du Quebec a Montreal a.k.a UQAM. In English, the University of Quebec in Montreal. I read the leaflet more thoroughly once home, and here are the shocking facts! The government of Quebec is fishing out over 300 million dollars for the renovation of a casino while an under-financed university is and has been struggling to make ends meet for years. This is absolutely outrageous! More outstanding stats can be found at www.uqamengreve.com

And although the whistling was quite ear-piercing, it did last for only five minutes after all, and it sure made people listen! Everyone was curious about the fuss, and I'm sure many were educated as I was today on this pressing issue. So I say- whistle away!

Rain, Rain, Rain, more rain... and snow?

2009-04-07T14:43:00.008-04:00

It was snowing this morning in Montreal! Yikes! I really think its the sun's turn to shine- pun intended! :)

My umbrella definitely felt like a cool, smart accessory this morning matched with my riding boots, mock leather jacket, purple neck scarf and owl pendant. At first it fashionably sheltered me from the rain, but then it began to snow, and holding the umbrella suddenly felt so silly. I didn't think about it too long because the wind picked up fiercely! So I closed the umbrella anyway before losing it to city streets.

So this morning, I got my first, real massage ever. Of my life. My friend Ashley Schinck is in school studying massage therapy @ Institut Kine-Concept on The Plateau a.k.a East Montreal. She had a stage today on which she will be marked and asked me to be a recipient to her massage. Hmmm, lemme think about it..... YES!

It was amazing! At first I found it was hard to relax and it felt strange. I still haven't figured out why. In any case I felt the atmosphere was comical and I'm naturally bubbly. I mean, one of my closest friends was massaging me while I was half-undressed, strangers (her teachers) were watching occasionally and really corny relaxation music was playing...that kept skipping. Eventually I succumbed to serenity when I turned onto my belly. I stuck my face in the hole. Haha that sounds so funny, and it looks even funnier!

Anyway, before the session I ate a 'sammich', as I like to call 'em, so I wouldn't be hungry during the massage, and this is what I gathered from that:

TIP OF THE DAY: Don't eat an egg salad sandwich before getting a massage.

My insides were grumbling and I was deadly afraid of an accidental release of a bodily function- catch my drift?

goodnight world.

2009-04-07T01:25:00.002-04:00

Silent night

Quiet room

You are gone

But not for long

The laundry is still warm

Now I'm folding

I'm a little distracted

A little nosey

It's raining still

I can hear it

The window pane is black

There are a few dishes in the sink

and some crumbs on the counter

We ate sandwiches earlier

Bought some glue

To scrapbook pictures

Of me and you

I wish you didn't work at night

My mind wanders

When I'm lonely

You start at 11h30

I miss you already

Oh Waittttttttttttttt!

2009-04-06T18:43:00.004-04:00

I just wanted you to know...

Result of last nights attempt to eat supper. But I just wanted to show myself. True colors.

-Unafraid

-Good hearted

-Real

a five o'clock shadow, a long john shirt,

2009-04-06T18:04:00.004-04:00

I'm off to watch Slumdog Millionaire with him now.

rainy, grey skies today

2009-04-06T17:16:00.006-04:00

It's been gloomy in the city now for a week. It's beginning to really affect my mood. Waking up to dusty light coming through the windows isn't exactly exciting. I'm feeling unsunny on the inside which makes me feel so crappy. I'm trying to look forward to Thursday which is forecasting a bit of sunshine!! Hm, see I don't mind the rain or snow, as long as I can see a few rays :)

So today I ignored the stay-in-bed syndrome that crappy weather promotes and I stepped out into the rainy day!

I like getting my eyebrows pampered. Well, most women think its ouchy. At least I think. I find it very relaxing, sometimes I even doze off a bit! I like feeling the hair coming out of my skin. It's a funny sensation. Plus, the make up ladies always tell me I have a nice, natural shape to my brow which always makes me feel good!

mouthy .

2009-04-05T20:04:00.003-04:00

Nimble speech bounces off your smart tounge

You lick your teeth

and pucker your lips

I watch

amazed

New Update!

2009-04-05T19:16:00.004-04:00

Earlier this afternoon I lost 2 tweeps for some bizarre reason. However......

Now I have 4 more! Kickass!

That's all :)

OMG!

2009-04-05T17:51:00.001-04:00

BIG UPDATE!

I just lost two tweeps! This is heart-breaking... :(

Ok. I really have to wonder why now.

If you know, please tell me!

Sunday Sunday

2009-04-05T16:45:00.004-04:00

Hm. My last post with the Picasa collage is quite awful isn't it? I hope my skills improve soon. Haha

Ok: so I've been neglecting my blog for a month now? I have no clue how long it's been. I haven't been close to the internet lately. Not even Facebook. I've been away from Twitter... I don't know; I go through stages. It's funny too because I am unemployed- what else am I doing? Hahaha. So I'm listening to my radio station right now on Blip.fm. I love it. So much. All 4 One- I Swear. Do you know that song? I'm listening to those sappy lyrics right now :) I don't really stick to a genre in specific. I have rock, country, pop- all sorts of music. It's fitting though. That's me. I'm a little bit of everything, and I really like it that way.

Want to see what I'm staring at?

One of my bestest buddies bought me the kit as a gift last year. It's been collecting dust in my closet and I took it out recently. I have seven pages done already. It's so fun! I'm off to work on it now! Mmmm, I would say my Picasa skills already seem a little better. I can't understand how to get rid of the empty spaces though? But I'm not that concerned either!

downloaded picasa and created an account on blip.fm tonight. fun stuff! :)

2009-03-30T03:57:00.000-04:00

tea time :)

2009-03-17T00:02:00.006-04:00

I really like drinking tea. I just bought this new tea: raspberry and apple. Totally delicious. I feel so fancy when I drink tea. I have this ceramic cup I drink out of every time I boil the water. I love it because it has a ceramic top that I use to keep my tea warm, and then I put my tea bag on it :) I feel fancy with my mug.

spring spring spring!

2009-03-16T02:31:00.008-04:00

Today was lovely! A beautiful and warm day, a taste of spring weather. I am so excited and I am more positive then ever. The signs of the new season always seem to awaken me and make everything feel new and fun again. Sunshine makes me dance when I walk, smile when I talk and it makes me invent songs :)

I am very anxious to start wearing dresses every day as I do when spring and summer arrives. Today I wore one of my favorite button down dresses with white cowboy boots and my jean jacket. I felt very beautiful. Mike and I took a drive down to the country listening to groovy tunes and soaking up the rays

I got a hair cut Friday! I like it, it's very girly and cute. It's a lot of fun.

I'm a lover and I feel awesome right now!

naked in your sweater

2009-03-11T00:45:00.004-04:00

I feel my eyes could use some rest

My hair is dry

My heart's a mess

There are things

I feel like I should do

before I hit the hay

Even though

tomorrow

I have nothing to do all day

I think I will sing a tune

post for you

And then stray

To my sheets

To the heat

To my dreams

i'm a slob today. a big real one.

2009-03-10T12:48:00.004-04:00

I woke up 12hpm today and my apartment is literally upside down. I am due for a shower and I feel really gross. The kitchen is full of dishes and there are some noodles and sauce from last night still out- yuck. I feel super gross. Lazy. I'm wearing my glasses this morning. Er...afternoon.

I really don't like video games, because they captivate you and suck you in: turning you into a slob. I'm a slob today. I was a slob last night. I played video games until 1h30 am eating popcorn and drinking chocolate milk. Mike likes video games and I like pacman, so he got a pacman video game. Instead of doing dishes I played with him. He left for his midnight shift and I continued playing.

Blargh! I will do nothing! I will take advantage! I have a little vacation for a few days due to the sudden unemployment and I will benefit! So what I didn't do dishes last night? Yeah! And now, in all slob-ness, I think I will play pacman again for a bit. Then I'll wash.

taste the la, la, la

2009-03-09T14:32:00.005-04:00

Thats what my salad felt like in my mouth. Mmmmmmm

I accidently put too much salad dressing in it, so good thing the lively flavors were up to good acts today! They were dancing all over my taste buds!

You want to try?

Lettuce/ cherry tomatoes/ orange pepper/ portobello mushrooms/ cucumber/ onions/ cheese/ avacado/ ginger-sesame tofu/ pepper/ oregano/ basil

Chop & Toss & Presto! It's very filling. If you can, going organic really makes a difference in taste ;)

Hey! While I have your attention do you think I would make a good airline pilot? Hm, I think I would make a hot pilot for sure.

my pretty kitchen table clutter

2009-03-09T14:17:00.004-04:00

dark morning

2009-03-09T13:13:00.008-04:00

So Saturday night we all lost an hour, I guess. It seems weird that we all think it was erased. It wasn't. The world just re-established what time it was in human. In reality, time does not move back and it does not skip; it stays the same. Time is only measured because we invented measurements. Nonetheless, it was dark outside this morning as I left for work which now seems like foreshadowing. It's usually always daylight when I leave, but I awoke earlier due to the 'change in time'. (I still think that's so funny!)

I was barely at work a half hour before being called into my boss' office. The news they gave me didn't shock me. I just didn't expect today. I mean, I didn't wake up this morning thinking: today I'm going to get laid off.

It's not a big deal because I really didn't like my job at all. I loved the people I worked with, and they've been so kind to me. Actually, I couldn't figure out how to quit. My emotions were muddled and I had my morals all mixed up. Anyway, economic times are tough and the company couldn't afford me anymore.

Damn. I was wearing a really cute outfit today too. I bought a shirt at Simon's over the weekend with one sleeve for five bucks. I matched it with a pair of pretend peacock feather earrings. I look so darn ready for Cuba. All dressed up and nowhere to go. Sigh.

They told me I could leave right away and they would pay me for the two weeks. It's required to give that much notice, and they couldn't very well leave me with nothing. So here I am. At home on my Mac. Just contemplating. I think this is a very good thing though. I feel very liberated.

I am not really stressed at the moment and I know something will come along. There's an unlocked door somewhere that I need to open. I'm excited and happy, and I'm not gloomy at all. As I drove home a few flurries of snow fell from the sky. Mother nature can be so darn symbolic sometimes.

eve of new, eve of better

2009-03-09T10:29:00.031-04:00

I promised to tell you all about the lovely little snippets of great that flowed through me Wednesday evening. I had the surgery that morning and was feeling wonky and super funny. I called maman and talked to her for a while. I told her all about it: how I felt, how I was scared, how I cried, how I walked, everything. I confided every detail in her and it was so relieving. We laughed together. I love her so much.

While I was on the phone with maman, Mike was on the phone with Elise. I had spoken to Alexa, but

hadn't any news of the operation yet, so Mike filled her in for me. Mike came inside and I had my maman on speaker phone so he stuck his cell phone next to mine and maman and Elise said hi to each other! It was so funny! Then maman told me Elise finally found a roommate. This was great news to hear and I was so happy for her! It's stressful looking for a coloc, and that stress was now gone.

Mike works nights so due to the fact that I was still half-disabled, we asked Alexa and her boyfriend Jon to watch me for the night. How sweet of them when they said yes! Mike picked them up and brought them back. When they arrived I was still on the phone with maman, and she was still on speaker so Jon and Alexa said hi. I immediately noticed how Jon's cheeks were fuller! He was dangerously thin when Alexa met him, and she's been helping him gain weight. Yay! What progress! How up-lifting to see the efforts beginning to show success! He's very tall and previously, he was looking terribly unhealthy. He'd never been officially diagnosed, but everyone was thinking the same thing. He was smiling from ear to ear. His happiness and self-pride was shining like a beacon of light on his handsome face. He looked beautiful!

As Jon and Alexa had just arrived, I decided to wrap things up, so I asked to speak to daddy. He came onto the speaker phone and we all said hi : Mike, Jon, Alexa and me. Alexa and Dad hadn't spoken in a while so he told her he loved her very much and that she should call him soon because he misses her. Then Alexa informed him, as well as Mike and I, that she had a job interview on Saturday! What great

news! I am telling you positive energy was flowing through my entire family like a hot-flow circuit. I could feel it.

And right then, it seemed as though we were all moving ahead in a great movement of change. It felt like we were all standing on the same ground, and that ground was pumping with happiness. I imagined us disco dancing to "We Are Family" and laughed out loud. I love my family, and we're not perfect, but that's the best part. We each celebrated a victory of sorts that night, but shared the great news as one. And although we are all adults now, living independently, we were all together in that moment.

I am so grateful to be a part of such an amazing team: Team Holmes!

I have Endometriosis.

2009-03-05T14:10:00.003-05:00

To learn more about that click here.

Previously, I blogged of the possibility that I may have Endometriosis. I had the surgery on Wednesday, March 4th, and it turns out that the diagnosis returned positive. It's been a long time wondering, and I was filled with so many emotions that day. I turned to Mike and said, " I have it. I have Endometriosis." I barely got through half the sentence before I began to sob the words. I cried with complete joy and utter relief. I finally know what's wrong. I am still sore and lack energy, but so happy that the wait is finally over. They burned off the tissue with a laser as soon as they discovered it through Laparosco py and now I will contine to follow the treatment taking Depo Provera, which is a form of birth control used to treat Endometriosis. It's an injection that needs to be taken every three months with a needle, and it completely stops your period. Without my period, I should no longer experience any pain. Currently I have pain killers and anti-inflammatory medications. I also have urinary tract antibiotics because unfortunately, my surgery caused me to have an infection. Now I'm on a healing road, and recovery is going super. I am so happy that now I can begin to live a healthy life again. I have so much news about the lovely evening that followed my surgery, but I will fill you in on that later :) As for now, I'm great, life's great and Hallelujah.

warm sunny drive

2009-03-05T13:31:00.002-05:00

the night before surgery.

2009-03-03T22:47:00.006-05:00

I'm really nervous. I'm really scared. I don't want to be put to sleep. I don't want holes in my belly. I'm brave for now. I'm so anxious and mixed up. This really seems so weird.

what color do you feel like today?

2009-03-03T12:55:00.001-05:00

Recently, I have a growing fantasy to own 1, ooo, ooo different colors:

In the last few years I've been really conscious on setting myself free of materialism. I would be lying if I said I loved myself 100%. I mean, yes, there are days when I feel less-than-flawless and I admit to having tried a number of different beauty services. I used to get acrylic nails a lot because I used to bite my real nails to the skin. I wanted to feel more girly, which in the end, made me feel prettier. With time, I've completely stopped biting my nails. They're still a little weak and break sometimes, but I have got them long most times au naturel, and they will strengthen in time. I stopped wearing nail polish for a while so that my nails could recover from the super-toxic-badness of acrylic. But now, suddenly, I have these crazy urges to buy nail polish in every color and wild variations! Yesterday my nails were black: they made me feel edgy and chic. Today, they are a very light, baby pink: they make me feel very girly and gentle. I have beautiful nails, and they are my own :) And I paint them sometimes when I'm feeling colorful ;)

I work on self-love everyday. Feels so good to throw that nail-doubt, out!

I LOVE MY REAL NAILS!
♥

sunny sidewalk

2009-03-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

What a beautiful, sunny day! I felt my soul was thirsty as the rays soaked through my skin. I felt like the sunshine was dancing on my cheeks despite the cold wind chill. It gave me such a boost of energy. The sun's warmth makes me feel nimble. Walking to my building from the parking lot I stopped at a red light. The car on the corner did not budge although his light was green. From the looks of things it was a carpool, and they were all staring at me. I smiled and motioned to the green light with my thermos, and they either realized the light was green, thought I was cute, or were letting me cross the street on their right of way, but it doesn't really matter! All options equal positive energy for me! And I felt it! I love smiling to strangers that smile back, it's a secret world of giving good, and we all chuckled as the car drove away. We were looking out for each other at that moment, and the anonymity is what makes it that more special :) Happy Tuesday!

This was taken at home one evening as the sun was about to set. Compliments of Mike Jones, an exceptional photographer. Can you believe this photograph was taken with a sony ericsson phone that has only 3 megapixels? I suppose you can't hide the beauty of such a glorious power :)

sharing art

2009-03-02T15:21:00.000-05:00

I am really digging this.

Marie Cailliau
a young french artist from Belgium

Spring Lovers

2009-03-02T13:47:00.000-05:00

I feel a power
I can't speak
you make my knees so weak

Dandelions
Lemon grass
Sunny day
Bumble bee

Nibbling a carrot
You watch the nature be
We're made for each other

I do not need to speak

you know what time it is?

2009-03-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

Lunch time!
I am having tuna salad today. I always bring my can of tuna seperate from my salad, which I bring in a tupperware. I mix at work to prevent soggy-ness. I also bring the dressing on the side. This was a really good game plan until the electric can opener started giving me craptacular performances. I fiddled with it for at least two minutes today before it started to actually open my can. Not that I'm high-maintenance but it was a little annoying and it makes a loud noise that I'm sure my co-workers can hear. I think tomorrow I'll have something else. Oh no wait, tomorrow is pizza day! Yay for Tuesday office meetings!

2009-03-02T11:32:00.001-05:00

me & my bestie

2009-02-27T16:11:00.001-05:00

Looking at you
Looking at me
Is life growing inside a tree
A birth of fire, without fear
You’re brave

Strong, stay simple
In yours as in mine
Eyes behold the secrets
Our lips are our weapons
Mischievously, we use them
I’m lured but you are as well
Somewhere between heart and ache
The barrier fell
You saw me
I met you
Earth and seed

We will not let our branches wilt

im not a nerd.....

2009-02-27T14:35:00.002-05:00

but I do love them. And although I seem smart, blogging and surfing the twitisphere, I'm actually not very tech-savvy at all. I really don't like reading stuff that explains stuff. I think it's boring and I always hope I'll just figure it out on my own. My-oh-my, it's a webtacular world.

The Saga

2009-02-27T11:10:00.000-05:00

caution: twitter- highly addictive!

2009-02-26T14:23:00.000-05:00

I can't stop tweeting! There are so many different applications, and I'm a naturally curious gal, and ohhhhhhh it's such a bad combo! It's like micro-blogging. Instant micro-blogging. It's so fun and I've met and learned from so many tweeps already!

brain farts, but um, good ones, like, explosive little pretty thoughts

2009-02-26T12:00:00.000-05:00

A snippet:

Breathing patterns hold
emotions/hiccups, burps,
yawns in motion/blurry eyes may hide your fear but if you do not breathe..

A tale:

In the wind
In the wind
Thoughts are flying in the wind
I cannot catch them
Because they're not mine
But maybe I will learn in time

put an end to bullying!

2009-02-26T10:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was :

I Will Wear Something Pink on February 25th & Take A Stand Against Bullying Day

Why Pink? Get the scoop! Two Nova Scotia students raised awareness after bullies decided to pick on kid for wearing pink.

I wore bright pink and I felt really great about it. My oldest sister was tortured with this form of cruelty all throughout high school. It's disturbing some of the things bullies did to her. They threw batteries at her, lit her hair on fire, and once they broke a cd into pieces and whipped that at her too for no reason. Not only was it extremely hard for my sister to face everyday, but it was also hard on us, her family. They called her so many names and thinking about it to this day still brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could take all that pain away from her memory. I never let anyone bully her when I was around. I love my sister like a helpless fool and I think she's amazingly courageous!

She digs horror flicks and that's her thang! She's an officer for the Facebook group I LOVE HORROR MOVIES!!! which has over 14,000 members! You should check her out and follow the discussion board!

Bullying is something that really affected me closely. If you allow bullying to take place, you are no better than the bully! It usually starts off mild, but bullying can escalate and get very out of hand, driving kids to depression and suicide. Make noise! I am aware and I'll stick up for anybody; nobody deserves to be intimidated or taunted. It's a very important issue in youth's and adults' society. Recognize! You can follow pinkshirtday on Twitter.

Take a STAND! Make a difference. Bullying is so not cool.

très late!

2009-02-26T08:08:00.000-05:00

I woke up at 7h27am today. Actually I woke up at 6h45, 6h50,7h00,7h09,7h18 and finally got out of bed, or rather jolted out, at 7h27. The first three times are the usual, set alarm clocks. The next three was the snooze button. I work at 8ham, and it takes me 20 minutes to get here. I was dressed, made up, with coffee and out the door @ 7h41. Thank goodness I laid some clothes out for myself the night before! So the only thing I didn't manage to accomplish was mascara, but I stuck it in my purse and I'm off to put that on now. I think 13 minutes is a pretty darn amazing amount of time to look fabulous in! ;) I also grabbed a banana for breakfast, man, I'm a pro!

I got fake eyelash extensions once. Really fancy salons and professionals charge an arm and a leg for them. I've seen prices range from 100$ to 150$ to 250$. I'm assuming they apply real human eyelashes though. Mine were totally fake but so long, curly and black! They cost me 30$. When the woman applied them she told me they would last at least three weeks, maybe six. They only lasted me a week tops before my eyes began to look patchy. They are applied individually with some kind of black super glue so that if there is excess you can't see it. It was fun not to have to apply mascara but have killer, flirty eyes for a week; I felt so beautiful! I would never do it again though because after trying to remove the false lashes myself and pulling out huge chunks of my own, I was pretty much horrified! From now on, au naturel!

I heart my brother lots :) we've been friends since we were toddlers

2009-02-25T15:11:00.000-05:00

So, this is my amazing friend Chris. Did I mention he's amazing?

I'm Tweeting!

2009-02-25T14:21:00.000-05:00

I have some very exciting news- I just signed up on Twitter! I'm a little bit dumb-founded because I'm not quite sure how it works yet, but I am very excited to make new tweeps! Join me in the adventure of change!

the latest on facebook

2009-02-25T10:48:00.001-05:00

This is the latest thing on FB.
Basically, you post this image and for every 'character' you tag a friend.
It's kind of cute, but I can see some people getting their feelings hurt.
I mean, the lazy one? The annoying one? Sure as heck wouldn't want to be tagged as the annoying one! :S

There are always new games roaming around Facebook and I just spotted a new one today. Recently there was 25 random things and make your own album cover. This morning's discovery goes as follows: In the Google search engine, type your name and 'need' next to it and then copy down the first ten things 'you' need. It was funny to see a few of the things that popped up, but some were from other need lists that other Sarahs had already created. Nonetheless, here's my list:

Sarah needs to get her life back and establish herself as the person in charge.

Sarah needs a cold shower, self-esteem and TVgasm

Sarah needs a Wii

Sarah Needs is on Facebook

Sarah needs sponsors to compete

Sarah needs batteries

Sarah needs a band

Sarah needs a fun post today because last night was a bit depressing.
wow- total opposite of the truth!

Sarah needs to swim

Sarah needs a miracle

TVgasm got me curious, so I googled it, and it's actually a website. It's a forum where people can discuss shows, channels, movies etc. Check it out if you like!

mac mac macaroni!

2009-02-25T08:48:00.000-05:00

This is me and my friend Helen Downie! I really love this picture; it was taken on her birthday @ La Distillerie. It's located in The Plateau on Mont-Royal. It's a really great place! It's always packed there and I love the atmosphere. The tables are actually big barrels, and the cocktails are served in mason jars, as you can tell by the picture! That one mojito is enough booze for me! There's 4 ounces alone in a big jar! But you can also get drinks in smaller masons if you wish. I am really looking forward to going back there this summer!

I haven't seen Helen in a while so yesterday we put our energy together and had such a great time! It was a much needed visit, and I always feel so great when I'm around her!
For dinner we ended up making macaroni with a chili twist. Want the recipe? It was delicious! This is what you'll need:

-Egg noodles
-Tomato sauce & kidney beans (organic)
- (All organic) Portobello mushrooms, yellow pepper, cherry tomatoes, onions, garlic, carrots
- vegetarian 'ground beef' or the real variety, but I promise, you can't taste the difference! ;)

First, we browned the onions and the garlic, then added the carrots with a bit of water so they could boil and soften up. Then we added the sauce and the strained and rinsed kidney beans. Meanwhile our egg noodles are boiling. Stir the sauce until warm and then add in the tomatoes, mushrooms and peppers. If you cut your vegetables in bigger pieces, they are more likely to retain more flavor. Stir and heat sauce slowly, barely at a simmer. In another pan, heat up the veggie beef. What's great about it is it's not meat so it doesn't need to be cooked, it only needs to be heated up in a pan with some olive oil. Once hot, add to sauce. Let sauce "mijote" for a few more minutes until all is hot and smelling really good and then serve over drained and rinsed egg noodles! Add salt and pepper to taste! Mmmmmmm!

We also enjoyed a small, green salad on the side with carrots, tomatoes, sesame seeds and some italian dressing, served with a tall glass of water and chocolate soy milk! It was such a beautiful dinner and we were stuffed silly!

Afterwards we washed dishes which gave us time to digest before we continued with the next scheduled activities for the evening. Ever heard of Turbo Jam? It's hilarious! Maybe you've watched the infomercial one night when nothing was playing on TV? It's another corny video work-out that ressembles Tae Bo. A friend of mine owns the dvd's and made copies for me. We attempted the "Fat Blaster" which is a jam-packed 30 minute work-out. We were sweating and laughing and struggling to bust our tushes! I could feel the burn!

After Turbo Jam, we stuck Hip Hop Abs into the dvd player, which is the work-out Helen brought. We did "Hips, Buns and Thighs". Holy Moly, did we ever laugh! It's like your dancing and it really does have a hip hop vibe so it was really fun. This one made me stretch my muscles more, while Turbo Jam's "Fat Blaster" was hardcore cardio. This guy, Shaun T is sure to make you crack up!

We were exhausted at the end of the night, but we felt great! I miss Helen Downie already! :(
Yet again, we had a memorable evening. I drove her home and we wished each other well, but who knows? Maybe next week we'll find time to, as Shaun T would say, "Work it!" again?

pooped

2009-02-25T08:30:00.000-05:00

Sleeping is so weird. Sleeping patterns are weirder. If I sleep 6 hours, this is alright. If I sleep 8 this makes me feel really amazing! If I sleep 7, I feel exhausted! It's bizarre and intriguing all at the same time.

This picture was taken at my boyfriend's old place. He used to live with two other guys, explaining the tower of empty bottles. It's morning and I'm wrapped up in my favorite shirt, which belongs to Mike of course. This is when we first started seeing each other over a year ago. It's funny to look back..

eating habits

2009-02-24T14:46:00.000-05:00

I have been eating horribly for the past week and a half. I don't know why, but I have been having cravings for junk! Tonight, I'm looking forward to something deliciously nutritious! I'm thinking avocado and some egg noodles, but I'll see what Helen feels like first. In any case, bye bye empty calories! Bye bye!

Mmmm, those pictures are making me so hungry! That's my cooking! Doesn't it look tasty?
I like it fresh and colorful! It really affects my mood: it makes me happy! Yay for healthy eating!

today is a rockin' awesome day

2009-02-24T09:55:00.001-05:00

LOVE my outfit today.

Red and black. Girly but punky. I feel so different and I like it! So today is cool. I have so many positive things to focus on. My apartment is fairly clean. Tidy. Last night I accomplished nearly everything I wanted done. Dishes, watered plants, roller-brushed the couch, took down Vday decor, choose a lovely outfit for today♥, removed all my make up and washed my face! :) The only thing left undone was taking the recycling down to the basement, but my team player took it down this morning for me before I even woke up and a bonus was that he also took down the garbage! I grabbed the DVD's that needed to be returned to block buster, I had coffee, and enough time to make a lunch this morning. I am on a high! For the past few weeks I've been awfully sick which caused me to be tired and lazy. I was feeling really unproductive last night. And my laziness and unaccomplished daily chores were really starting to make me feel guilty. Mike left for work last night at 10 to 10hpm. I was extremely tired as he had just finished massaging and then caressing my shoulders and neck. A recipe for droopy eyes. Just when I thought I was going to go to bed with everything a mess, I pushed myself. I started picking up my things, watering the plants etc and then said to myself "I'll take a pac-man break" which is always a bad idea! I got caught up! And then I went to youtube and started singing Karaoke songs and before you knew it it was getting really late! However, I pushed myself and finished the dishes, shook the rug outside, took down decor... I was all ready for bed, minus cleaning my face. I never used to remove my make up or wash my face because I'm really lucky and I don't have bad skin, so this routine is fairly new for me. For Christmas I recieved a lovely Marcelle washing kit from my mum-in-law and bought make up remover. I realized that if I continued to neglect my skin, I could end up looking old a lot faster! I'm also really bad for never taking my contacts out at night. I accomplished all three of these goals last night! Woooooooooot! And even though I only got to bed at 1ham and only got 6 hours of sleep, I know I would have felt worse with 8 hours of sleep and a) a messy apartment, b) an unwashed face and racoon eyes, c) plants unwatered and coffee unprepared! I woke up with a fresh face, a cute out-fit waiting for me, and a clean kitchen with brewing coffee. Ahhhh, the satisfaction of pushing yourself that extra little bit when you thought you were all out of energy! So rewarding! But my biggest reward is still yet to come, I anxiously await a visit tonight from the lovely, thoughtful and amazing Helen Downie!♥

Oh mista sun

2009-02-21T17:48:00.000-05:00

I missed the sun today

I love you sun

Sun, you are beautiful!

bye bye tickle?

2009-02-20T15:16:00.000-05:00

I think my tickling throat is starting to be untickly- wooooot!

But I don't wanna jinx it, so knock on wood! *she knocks*

I'm feelin' happy. I have a blue scarf around my purse and I think I'm about to tie it on my head. I like bandana's and straight hair. Sometimes it looks very hippie-elegant. It's silky blue, and one of my favorites! Something else that makes me happy is my Porkchop♥

i've been really keeping positive this whole time. now they are really testing me

2009-02-20T12:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just got THE WORST news. I have been having a few health problems of late, and by late I mean it's been over a year. I've been really optimistic but in the last few months it has gotten increasingly worse and I have spent more time in the hospital than anywhere else. I am suffering from something that we still don't have the answers to. It hurts like hell in my lady parts, my stomach and it sometimes roams up my chest and down my legs, but it all derives from the same core place: my pelvic cavity. I've taken numerous pap tests, gynological exams, ultra sounds and honestly: it's fatiguing. Finally, a doctor suggested laparoscopy which is a diagnostic surgery to determine whether or not I have Endometriosis. Endo: Every month a woman sheds the lining of her uterus which we call our mentrual cycle. The uterus lines itself because every month our bodies prepare themselves for a baby. This tissue is meant to be found in the uterus uniquely.In my case, or so we think, this tissue is growing in other places. When I have my period, like any other woman, I begin to shed the lining from my uterus which is already painful to begin with. Now, the lining found on my ovaries, fallopian tubes, etc is trying to break down but cannot leave my body, which makes 'that time of the month' excruciating to the point where I have to take Dilaudid, which is 5x the strength of regular morphine. Life has become difficult to live. Peeing hurts, sexual intercourse hurts, walking hurts and bowel movements are impossible during 'Aunt Rose's' visit. The original set date for the surgery was December 22nd, 2008. The day of: I haven't eaten yet because you aren't allowed when having surgery, it's 4hpm and I'm sitting in the OR barely covered by their blue, cheap, hospital gowns. I almost had a mental breakdown when they announced that my surgery, due to complications with their last patient, has been cancelled, for TWO MORE MONTHS. Monday coming, February 23rd is the re-scheduled date. Since my last visit to the OR, I have been in the ER twice for 'unbearable pain'. I just got a call. My surgery has been cancelled again and post-poned until March 4th. Oh.my.god. This is what I feel like. They don't care how much pain I'm in at all. It's devasting. It's depressing. It's killing me.

I AM Beautiful

2009-02-20T11:12:00.000-05:00

I am feeling very pretty today. Which is super cool. I put together a really cute outfit, a really flowy dress with black tights and black boots. The only thing is this dress is very 'top-revealing', so I had to wear a half-shirt-pull-over-vest-thing. It looks better without it, but major cleavage at work is skanky, and the company I work for has a total of 6 employees. It would be weird. My hair is straight today which is nice. I like it straight sometimes. I used to like it straight all the time. Now I'm so used to wearing it down the way it goes. That's awesome though because now I can accept it the way it is. Plus, I have more time to sleep in and all I need to do to feel glamorous now and then is to straighten my locks! Yippee!

i usually hang out @ home. it's really fun there

2009-02-20T09:39:00.000-05:00

unbiased

2009-02-20T08:48:00.000-05:00

Somewhere
Over my guard
Possibilities fly

Consider

Yourself

Open-minded
and you'll consider yourself at home

Doe
A Deer
Imagine it your ear
Let it run everywhere
and hear

You can't stop
My positive beat
I'll connect my ears and my feet

I'll be your private dancer

tgif

2009-02-20T08:41:00.000-05:00