When things get bottled up in my brain, its not good. I think about a lot of things and they float around until I write them down. Once its on paper its all good, I am less stressed. I stress very easily. I used to have big problems. Dust stresses me out, and it used to stress me out to the point that even if I was late for work at 8h00 am in the morning, if I saw dust, I would have to clean it. Every time I saw something crooked or misplaced I would have to straighten it out. I still have big problems with making the bed, the curtains and the place mats on my table. The cushions on my couch too. It drives me crazy but I can't help it. Sometimes I place the shoes on our entrance rug without even freaking noticing. It keeps me from being on time and living normally. I could be in the middle of watching a movie, but if my eye sees a chair not pushed in at the table, its too late. I have to get up and push it, yes, just to sit back down again and enjoy the rest of the movie. Some people don't understand. The cupboard doors have to be closed, dishes always need to be done, the drying cloth needs to be hanged right, the garbage can is crooked, the pictures are slanted... I am very visual and things in my sight need to be very near perfect, clean and orderly. I am better though, I used to be really crazy. As I mentioned, my loose thoughts stress me out and I used to make lists of the things I was going to do in chronological order a day in advance and write down the times at which these things would occur to help myself cope with the relentless stress. I used to jog in the morning and I would meet my friend at 6h30 am. Here's an example of the list I would leave on my night stand.
Wake up - 6h00 am
Put clothes on - 6h01 am
Put deodorant on - 6h03 am
Put perfume on - 6h04 am
Brush teeth - 6h05 am
And if I was late by a minute doing any one of these tasks, I would be very stressed out.
But like I said, I don't do this anymore. I still make daily lists in my notebook but there are no longer any times and I am no longer overly stressed if I don't accomplish everything. I even forget some days.
But... I am a little stressed because I am a little behind in life. I have a beautiful friend in Uganda who had written me a novel of an email about her amazing and lovely experience who I have yet to get back to and I missed the premiere of the music video I was in and I have yet to write a life long message to an old school teacher of mine that I adore and adored me. He wrote to me at least over 2 weeks ago dying to know what I was up to and my lazy self is in procrastination overdrive. Yuck. My car muffler needs to be replaced immediately because I have already had a warning from a cop on my way to work 4 days ago and he gave me 3 days to fix it. If I get pulled over again for loud car parts, I'm doomed with a fine. I need to do groceries. I need to call my sister and Sweat Pea. What else? I think thats it. I need to get my notebook because tomorrow I have the day off and I will be doing all this important stuff. Ok, I kinda feel better now. Thanks. Would you like some recent photo's of me? Okay you twisted my arm! I went for a nice meal and walk the other night...