Sunday, June 14, 2009

im about to dump my head out


When things get bottled up in my brain, its not good. I think about a lot of things and they float around until I write them down. Once its on paper its all good, I am less stressed. I stress very easily. I used to have big problems. Dust stresses me out, and it used to stress me out to the point that even if I was late for work at 8h00 am in the morning, if I saw dust, I would have to clean it. Every time I saw something crooked or misplaced I would have to straighten it out. I still have big problems with making the bed, the curtains and the place mats on my table. The cushions on my couch too. It drives me crazy but I can't help it. Sometimes I place the shoes on our entrance rug without even freaking noticing. It keeps me from being on time and living normally. I could be in the middle of watching a movie, but if my eye sees a chair not pushed in at the table, its too late. I have to get up and push it, yes, just to sit back down again and enjoy the rest of the movie. Some people don't understand. The cupboard doors have to be closed, dishes always need to be done, the drying cloth needs to be hanged right, the garbage can is crooked, the pictures are slanted... I am very visual and things in my sight need to be very near perfect, clean and orderly. I am better though, I used to be really crazy. As I mentioned, my loose thoughts stress me out and I used to make lists of the things I was going to do in chronological order a day in advance and write down the times at which these things would occur to help myself cope with the relentless stress.  I used to jog in the morning and I would meet my friend at 6h30 am. Here's an example of the list I would leave on my night stand.

Wake up - 6h00 am
Put clothes on - 6h01 am
Put deodorant on - 6h03 am
Put perfume on - 6h04 am
Brush teeth - 6h05 am

etc...
And if I was late by a minute doing any one of these tasks, I would be very stressed out.

But like I said, I don't do this anymore. I still make daily lists in my notebook but there are no longer any times and I am no longer overly stressed if I don't accomplish everything. I even forget some days. 

But... I am a little stressed because I am a little behind in life. I have a beautiful friend in Uganda who had written me a novel of an email about her amazing and lovely experience who I have yet to get back to and I missed the premiere of the music video I was in and I have yet to write a life long message to an old school teacher of mine that I adore and adored me. He wrote to me at least over 2 weeks ago dying to know what I was up to and my lazy self is in procrastination overdrive. Yuck. My car muffler needs to be replaced immediately because I have already had a warning from a cop on my way to work 4 days ago and he gave me 3 days to fix it. If I get pulled over again for loud car parts, I'm doomed with a fine. I need to do groceries. I need to call my sister and Sweat Pea. What else? I think thats it. I need to get my notebook because tomorrow I have the day off and I will be doing all this important stuff. Ok, I kinda feel better now. Thanks. Would you like some recent photo's of me? Okay you twisted my arm! I went for a nice meal and walk the other night...




As I always say, I hope to be back again soon with the inside scoop on my very fun and busy life!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Honesty

surrounded by loud distractions
I await my wings
my pure attraction
my glowing, fiery
strong desire
-my fire

I'm sipping cider
The bar is alive
I wonder how many folks
are wise
I love my eyes
I write with a pen
I do not like
I think my drink is dimming the
lights
In my mind
I wish it would numb
The noise in my ears
I'll sit here waiting
writing
until you return
you're outside having a smoke

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hello Internet. It's me, Sarah Katie Holmes and I'm funny.


I've been gone for ages once again, but seriously, what's new? Let's not linger on that, although I do miss the days when I was blogging daily. Makes me feel so good. I've been going out a lot lately. I love it. I love to dance. I don't drink, I just sweat. I love dancing with my sister.
Guess what!? I bought a new mattress and boxspring! It's awwwwesome. I have the most freaking comfortable mattress in all the universe. Don't even try to debate. But seriously, its wonderland.

Firstly we snagged a super deal: 40% rebate on a Simmons Beauty Rest mattress. It has individual pocket coils, and that translated means this: Let's say you and I are laying side by side on my mattress (you wish). If you decide to bounce your body up and down like a 5 year old next to me, get this, I don't feel a thing! Well, a teeny tiny super miniscule smidgeon. It's so comfy and I'm in love. You should have seen me a few hours ago. I was kinda feeling like Miss Alba in Good Luck Chuck. Remember the way Jess talks about how she just "loves loves loves" penguins?
In other VIP news a music video I star in as the lead gal comes out June 12th for a CD Release/Launch party! Will post asap.
Yawn. Me so sleepy. See you tomorrow? 

Friday, May 29, 2009

I live the way I feel.

Seems to me I'm lazy but ultimately I'm tired. Too tired for you internet. I'm helping people live in the non-digi world so I'm extra busy. I love to dance. Pretty sure I've mentioned that a few times. I missed the auditions for so you think you can dance. Man I was so excited about it. Missed my shot. Even though I work on call and got called for work the day of, it's my fault. Where the heck is my passion, my drive and my confidence? Hm, and I always thought I was super. I would like to talk about things I like now to cheer me up.
I like this picture. It's fun and I took it. Those are my tootsies. I am not the best at taking pictures but I try because I believe I am an artist. In my world anyway.

I run and talk and walk- I'm hot
You say, they say, words all ok
I wonder why I think I'm cool
I don't do the things I ought to do
I don't mean bad
I do no wrong
I sing the song
Beautifully

But I'm not writing the lyrics.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

my oh my never wanna say goodbye!


It was too beautiful out to be inside today, but alas, life is not fair. That's why I have a job. But you know what, it's not fair to judge either. I may work with people who have deficiencies, but they're happy and chatty. They might not always say or act or do the right thing, but after all, nobody's perfect.
I just came back from the gym. I bought a pass after buying my bathing suit. Gotta get rid of those suit fears somehow! Plus, it seems to go hand in hand. Besides, I love the gym, it's so motivating and I love to run. 
I went outside for my break today-of course! It was hot and windy and awesome!

Hahaha. I love myself. This is dorky and I'm nutty!
video

old news is still hot news.

Cheeeeeese Whiz. Dang it's been cold lately and the weather channel has been giving bogus reports. "Oh yes there's going to be a high today of 20 degrees..." Yeah, at 7hpm for 5 minutes. Sheesh. Yark I'm complaining! I don't like to complain, complainers suck BT. (big time)  I am just really counting on tomorrow for some positivity and sunshine. I have a lot of nice shirts that I would like to not hide under a sweat shirt or jacket please. They're saying 21 in the morning and 29 for the afternoon. If this comes through with no chilly wind I am in for such a spoiled treat! Sleep tight Montreal and tomorrow wear sunscreen! (excited!)
I just wanted to announce that my bestest friend in the whole wide world got MARRIED! For the last week, almost two weeks now, she's been a wifey to some lucky fellar! I told you all about the wedding though. Remember?
I feel like I gave her away! Sniff :(
She looked absolutely amazing.
Congratulations to Megan Brittany Savage and Benjamin Bouffard. May your love remain youthful and full of the little things. I wish ever lasting strength and hope to your team and all the cute little additions you make ;)
It was a lovely wedding followed by a scrumptious dinner and a happenin' reception!  A great start to a great life together. 
Haha. The End.

Hey look at me! Already starting to feel like the bathing suit is second skin. Still crazy shy but I think the glasses are giving me a bit of confidence :)

I just wanted to show it to you again, on me, matched with my cool glasses. I'm really digging it. The colors make me shine from the inside out. It's pretty, it matches my heart.
I'm excited to get rid of my bathing suit fears and strut the strut! Walk the walk and talk the talk baby.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

just when you thought i was crazy

I have a swim suit phobia. Ok. So it's not really a fear and more like an insecurity but hey, what can I say? When it comes to some things, I'm just like everybody else.

I bought lots of stuff today. Shades times 3.
I love to dance, oh yes boogie wonderland. I won a contest at my hometown joint without knowing it. Coors light girls came up to me and said: "we need more people like you around here!" They handed me a gift card to bikini village. This all makes sense because that night the bar was decked out in Hawaiian; it was a beach party theme.

I really don't enjoy prancing around in little strings in public. First of all, it makes me very nervous that my lovely lady lumps stress a delicate string and ga-glump. Out pops a bump. Scary. The other reasons, while I must say there are a few, run along the lines of embarrassing, shy, don't like my body naked that much, cellulite... 
So today I trucked on down to BV and bought a bikini. Guess what. Did you know the mirrors inside the cabins at bikini village have a sepia tint to them? It's amazing! The owners purposefully tinted the glass to make the shoppers' reflection appear tan, blemish-less and pretty much perfect. The mirror completely erases all imperfections. Although it makes you feel good while you're trying on the bathing suits, which can often be very unpleasant if you detest your own self image, it is very unrealistic. A tactic to enhance sales for sure. Whatever, I haven't owned a bathing suit since I was 14, so this gift card was a kick in the butt for me. Just get a suit Sarah, you're not that bad. Now that I have it, wearing it is going to be the hard part. 
All in all though, what a lovely gift! It' s so cute and colorful! :)

Monday, May 18, 2009

burst. bursted. bursting.


I don't even know where to begin. I don't think it matters because if you think about it the beginning started a really long time ago.

So I've been away, yes this is true. Things aren't perfect but I think that that's the only thing that actually is perfect. 

I'm not always going to know what to do. I am not always going to have the answers. There are many answers I will never have. I won't always be able to cope by myself. I am not always going to be happy. It's funny but true that uncertainty is about the only thing we can rely on, and if that makes you feel down you have to remind yourself that, although there are unpleasant surprises, some outcomes are very exciting.

The important thing is the bottom line. Dear bloggy and it's readers, I'm back.

I have a most wonderful inner child. She comes out when I'm blue. When I'm alone and I need to cheer myself up, I dress up :) Even if it's late and I have nowhere to go. It's one of my most favorite things to do. Just because we stop playing with barbies doesn't mean we stop the game. I'm the barbie now. I dress myself up and I run my own life. Life is so quirky. I like loop holes, but not the lazy kind.
A hello kiss! Here I am! I feel good when I look good so it's all good in the hood :)
So like, next topic please! I'm back and ready to art attack! Do you know that show? I used to watch it all the time. It was my favorite. I remember missing it once. I cried. I love the crafts and Neil's accent. The ending was the best, the landscape art attacks. My sisters and I would always yell out what we thought it was going to be. He's really amazing. You have to watch this one.
I am in love. I am in love. I am in love.I am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in love. with life

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

It`s not you it`s me.

This blog is supposed to be about happy things and it is. It`s about discovering things. Learning things. Loving things. Realizing things. Sharing things.

I love my life. I value my life. I think I have a beautiful life. I live with confidence and determination and hope. I believe that things can always change and that we can always make our lives better. I believe that love is real and strong and is the energy you cannot find when everything is wrong. I believe that we are the creators of our own love.

I may be away from posting for a while. As I said, this blog is about the happy things in my life. Yesterday, my family suffered an unthinkable family emergency. For the moment things are under control, and nobody has left us, but we are still dealing with the major consequences. I only write when I am happy, and for the moment nothing inside of me feels anywhere near happy, and things that did make me feel good, well, I just don`t feel the same when I think about them anymore. I may be away for a week at least but possibly more.

Life`s not always easy and it`s definitely not a fairy tale. Things happen, unexpectedly. I love my family and my heart hurts right now. It hurts a lot. I`m feeling like this is sticking to me hard and I`ve been tough a long time. I feel a wave coming on and I`m going away on sad vacation.

I hope to be back soon. Right now I have hearts and minds to help heal, as well as my own. I don`t have time for anything else; this is my main priority right now. Nothing is more important.

Be back soon friends.
Love, Sarah xo

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Explosive Thinking


 
I just want to play all day long I don't care if I have things to do like the dishes and putting away all my shoes because I want to throw a frisbee in the air and watch it glide because it's pretty and simple and I like looking at it even if the floors need to be swiffered upstairs. I want to do it with you.

My closest is huge but still it's exploding and I can't shut the drawers to my dressers and I know that when summer is here I'll be wanting to go to the nifty stores downtown that sell second hand things with an iced latte from a cool no name cafe and I'll be consumed by the colors and nothing will stop me from buying the things I know will make me happy. I have a big problem