It`s not you it`s me.

This blog is supposed to be about happy things and it is. It`s about discovering things. Learning things. Loving things. Realizing things. Sharing things.

I love my life. I value my life. I think I have a beautiful life. I live with confidence and determination and hope. I believe that things can always change and that we can always make our lives better. I believe that love is real and strong and is the energy you cannot find when everything is wrong. I believe that we are the creators of our own love.

I may be away from posting for a while. As I said, this blog is about the happy things in my life. Yesterday, my family suffered an unthinkable family emergency. For the moment things are under control, and nobody has left us, but we are still dealing with the major consequences. I only write when I am happy, and for the moment nothing inside of me feels anywhere near happy, and things that did make me feel good, well, I just don`t feel the same when I think about them anymore. I may be away for a week at least but possibly more.

Life`s not always easy and it`s definitely not a fairy tale. Things happen, unexpectedly. I love my family and my heart hurts right now. It hurts a lot. I`m feeling like this is sticking to me hard and I`ve been tough a long time. I feel a wave coming on and I`m going away on sad vacation.

I hope to be back soon. Right now I have hearts and minds to help heal, as well as my own. I don`t have time for anything else; this is my main priority right now. Nothing is more important.

Be back soon friends.
Love, Sarah xo

Emma Stevens: Vintage Lover

This weekend I retreated to the country with my little sister Alexa to visit my folks. My daddy was painting the kitchen with his friend Kirk. Kirk's cool, he used to be in a band. Got out of the house though.  The oil primer smelled like shit.

I went to Emma's. Emma is the founder of my hometown's theatre; Theatre Lac Brome. Knowlton, my town, is also known as Brome Lake; it's within the Eastern Townships. Emma is sweet: an artist. She's done a lot of work in the arts. She is an exceptional actress and is a part of ACTRA. Thanks to her, we're with the same agent. Experienced and exceptionally talented; she's been in the business a long time.

She also has a love for vintage. She opened her own joint in the downtown village: Grandpa. She named it in memory of her Grandad. His cane hangs on a wooden beam by the cash box with a small piece of paper that reads "Not for Sale".

Easter Weekend Trend

Writing in my notebook never stops. I was away from the internet this weekend. I missed it...I guess. I guess if I had to choose what aspect of it I missed, I would have to say the crowd, the interaction. I mean, I must admit I hope a few people are reading this thing, but only because I hope I am interesting. I think I am. 

My family's thoughts on my notebook:

little cousins: " Qu'est ce que tu ecris?"

me: " N'importe quoi"

little cousins: "Est ce que c'est comme un journal?"

me: " Euuuhhhh.....oui. C'est comme un journal"

My grandmother sat across the table from me as I jotted down scribbled words and said to me in French:

"You'll write that you saw your grandmother's underwear!" - which happened- so it's true.

I laughed. She also said with a mouthful of Easter treats:

"You'll write in your notebook that you are watching a big pig shovel chocolate down it's throat!" She's funny. This stuff actually did end up in my notebook since some of what I share here comes from my notebook. Not for errors or editing/revising. Just because I have pen-withdrawal issues. I have an addiction. I had a really relaxing time in Thurso, QC with my grandmother Aurore. That's Aurora in English, pretty eh?

I finished my book over the Easter weekend. It was really good. I'm trying to figure out how to get in touch with Bruce, I have tons to say to him. The only address I have though is the publishing company in New York- arrrghhh. I'll get to digging in the dirt on that.

completely absorbed

Tonight I am really anxious to sit my ass in my old high school auditorium and watch one of my closest friends, Amos Joannides, perform an all-giving show. He's so amazing, really talented. He has a Jason Mraz vibe. You'll find me there tonight @ Massey Vanier high school @ 7hpm treating my mind and body to earthy, soulful music. "Quebec" is one of my favorites! You can listen/ sample all his songs on his website- and even buy/order a CD there! Have a listen!

www.amosj.com

music show tonight

eve of new, eve of better

I promised to tell you all about the lovely little snippets of great that flowed through me Wednesday evening. I had the surgery that morning and was feeling wonky and super funny. I called maman and talked to her for a while. I told her all about it: how I felt, how I was scared, how I cried, how I walked, everything. I confided every detail in her and it was so relieving. We laughed together. I love her so much. 

While I was on the phone with maman, Mike was on the phone with Elise. I had spoken to Alexa, but 

hadn't any news of the operation yet, so Mike filled her in for me. Mike came inside and I had my maman on speaker phone so he stuck his cell phone next to mine and maman and Elise said hi to each other! It was so funny! Then maman told me Elise finally found a roommate. This was great news to hear and I was so happy for her! It's stressful looking for a coloc, and that stress was now gone. 

Mike works nights so due to the fact that I was still half-disabled, we asked  Alexa and her boyfriend Jon to watch me for the night. How sweet of them when they said yes! Mike picked them up and brought them back. When they arrived I was still on the phone with maman, and she was still on speaker so Jon and Alexa said hi. I immediately noticed how Jon's cheeks were fuller! He was dangerously thin when Alexa met him, and she's been helping him gain weight. Yay! What progress! How up-lifting to see the efforts beginning to show success! He's very tall and previously, he was looking terribly unhealthy. He'd never been officially diagnosed, but everyone was thinking the same thing. He was smiling from ear to ear. His happiness and self-pride was shining like a beacon of light on his handsome face. He looked beautiful!

As Jon and Alexa had just arrived, I decided to wrap things up, so I asked to speak to daddy. He came onto the speaker phone and we all said hi : Mike, Jon, Alexa and me. Alexa and Dad hadn't spoken in a while so he told her he loved her very much and that she should call him soon because he misses her. Then Alexa informed him, as well as Mike and I, that she had a job interview on Saturday! What great

 news! I am telling you positive energy was flowing through my entire family like a hot-flow circuit. I could feel it. 

 

And right then, it seemed as though we were all moving ahead in a great movement of change. It felt like we were all standing on the same ground, and that ground was pumping with happiness. I imagined us disco dancing to "We Are Family" and laughed out loud. I love my family, and we're not perfect, but that's the best part. We each celebrated a victory of sorts that night, but shared the great news as one. And although we are all adults now, living independently, we were all together in that moment.

I am so grateful to be a part of such an amazing team: Team Holmes!