just when you thought i was crazy

I have a swim suit phobia. Ok. So it's not really a fear and more like an insecurity but hey, what can I say? When it comes to some things, I'm just like everybody else.

I bought lots of stuff today. Shades times 3.

I love to dance, oh yes boogie wonderland. I won a contest at my hometown joint without knowing it. Coors light girls came up to me and said: "we need more people like you around here!" They handed me a gift card to bikini village. This all makes sense because that night the bar was decked out in Hawaiian; it was a beach party theme.

I really don't enjoy prancing around in little strings in public. First of all, it makes me very nervous that my lovely lady lumps stress a delicate string and ga-glump. Out pops a bump. Scary. The other reasons, while I must say there are a few, run along the lines of embarrassing, shy, don't like my body naked that much, cellulite... 

So today I trucked on down to BV and bought a bikini. Guess what. Did you know the mirrors inside the cabins at bikini village have a sepia tint to them? It's amazing! The owners purposefully tinted the glass to make the shoppers' reflection appear tan, blemish-less and pretty much perfect. The mirror completely erases all imperfections. Although it makes you feel good while you're trying on the bathing suits, which can often be very unpleasant if you detest your own self image, it is very unrealistic. A tactic to enhance sales for sure. Whatever, I haven't owned a bathing suit since I was 14, so this gift card was a kick in the butt for me. Just get a suit Sarah, you're not that bad. Now that I have it, wearing it is going to be the hard part. 

All in all though, what a lovely gift! It' s so cute and colorful! :)

burst. bursted. bursting.

I don't even know where to begin. I don't think it matters because if you think about it the beginning started a really long time ago.

So I've been away, yes this is true. Things aren't perfect but I think that that's the only thing that actually is perfect. 

I'm not always going to know what to do. I am not always going to have the answers. There are many answers I will never have. I won't always be able to cope by myself. I am not always going to be happy. It's funny but true that uncertainty is about the only thing we can rely on, and if that makes you feel down you have to remind yourself that, although there are unpleasant surprises, some outcomes are very exciting.

The important thing is the bottom line. Dear bloggy and it's readers, I'm back.

I have a most wonderful inner child. She comes out when I'm blue. When I'm alone and I need to cheer myself up, I dress up :) Even if it's late and I have nowhere to go. It's one of my most favorite things to do. Just because we stop playing with barbies doesn't mean we stop the game. I'm the barbie now. I dress myself up and I run my own life. Life is so quirky. I like loop holes, but not the lazy kind.

A hello kiss! Here I am! I feel good when I look good so it's all good in the hood :)

So like, next topic please! I'm back and ready to art attack! Do you know that show? I used to watch it all the time. It was my favorite. I remember missing it once. I cried. I love the crafts and Neil's accent. The ending was the best, the landscape art attacks. My sisters and I would always yell out what we thought it was going to be. He's really amazing. You have to watch this one.

I am in love. I am in love. I am in love.I am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in loveI am in love. I am in love. I am in love. with life

It`s not you it`s me.

This blog is supposed to be about happy things and it is. It`s about discovering things. Learning things. Loving things. Realizing things. Sharing things.

I love my life. I value my life. I think I have a beautiful life. I live with confidence and determination and hope. I believe that things can always change and that we can always make our lives better. I believe that love is real and strong and is the energy you cannot find when everything is wrong. I believe that we are the creators of our own love.

I may be away from posting for a while. As I said, this blog is about the happy things in my life. Yesterday, my family suffered an unthinkable family emergency. For the moment things are under control, and nobody has left us, but we are still dealing with the major consequences. I only write when I am happy, and for the moment nothing inside of me feels anywhere near happy, and things that did make me feel good, well, I just don`t feel the same when I think about them anymore. I may be away for a week at least but possibly more.

Life`s not always easy and it`s definitely not a fairy tale. Things happen, unexpectedly. I love my family and my heart hurts right now. It hurts a lot. I`m feeling like this is sticking to me hard and I`ve been tough a long time. I feel a wave coming on and I`m going away on sad vacation.

I hope to be back soon. Right now I have hearts and minds to help heal, as well as my own. I don`t have time for anything else; this is my main priority right now. Nothing is more important.

Be back soon friends.
Love, Sarah xo

Explosive Thinking

 

I just want to play all day long I don't care if I have things to do like the dishes and putting away all my shoes because I want to throw a frisbee in the air and watch it glide because it's pretty and simple and I like looking at it even if the floors need to be swiffered upstairs. I want to do it with you.

My closest is huge but still it's exploding and I can't shut the drawers to my dressers and I know that when summer is here I'll be wanting to go to the nifty stores downtown that sell second hand things with an iced latte from a cool no name cafe and I'll be consumed by the colors and nothing will stop me from buying the things I know will make me happy. I have a big problem

Hey. Miss me?

Long time no see. I've been busy. Busy as heck. Working a lot. But I love it. Oh my love-life-happy-dance do I ever love it. It's not always easy to work with people who can't express themselves well, or at all due to vocal incapabilities, but it's rewarding. Last week, I worked with a woman who was blind, deaf and mute. We communicated through sign language, and I can't even tell you how special that is. It's a gift. I have an amazing job. I work on call right now but that's ok, I'll deal.

My best friend got married on Saturday and I promise to blog about that. I have breath-taking photos. Mother's Day was Sunday and my oldest sister Elise turned twenty-two today. I've been running around of late. I'm sure you didn't mind my absence. I've had some lovely days.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

West Side Montreal 

I went to the movies all by myself. Actually I went to the IGA and bought some pre-packaged sushi first for supper. Two thirds of it was delicious but my last pieces were gross. Put one in my mouth, chewed it, realized I couldn't swallow it, spit it in my hand and chucked it. I spilled a little bit of soya sauce on my car seat. Oops. 

I didn't exactly know what I was doing when I started driving. I gave myself two options: grocery shopping or mall. When I realized my body was driving past Loblaws I figured it meant it wanted to go shopping. The mall was closed. It closes early on Mondays and Tuesdays. The movies weren't closed though. There weren't any movies I really wanted to see. Adventureland was playing at 7:30 and it was 7:30 so I said ok. The movie was the same: ok. I thought it was going to be a funny movie but it was more like teenage life/love movie. I mean, blandish. It had potential. I like the actors but not the flick. 

I'd never gone to the theatres alone before. I wore my green skort. It's the only thing in my wardrobe Mike doesn't like. I love it. It's one of my most favorites. It's waist high. I love that. It billows. I love that too. Coming home from the theatres I wanted juice or something. I don't usually buy juice for my fridge. I figure if I don't it's better that way. It is. I drink water all the time. It's my favorite thing to drink. It's so wonderful. I like it cold. It's such a luxury if you think about it. You should think about it. @casiestewart knows. She does. Lots of people don't get clean water. It's very sad. Water is so beautiful too. 

I walked into the shop and stared at all the drinks. There's so much to choose from. Lots of weird stuff. All these fantastic tasting drinks with no calories. That's strange. Cola. Sunny D. Did you know there's canola oil in Sunny D? Yuck! I realized I wanted a beer. I wanted Heineken. I don't really drink that stuff but I wanted it then. The lip of the bottle is rounded and it feels smooth on my mouth. I'm drinking it now. I only bought one bottle. I've never walked into a shop to buy a single beer before. 

I like to be quiet sometimes.

Black board, Head board, Floor Board : Not bored

I'd like you to meet my friends

Anniversary, Anniversaire

I didn't blog yesterday because I was really busy celebrating two very special events including three very special people. Yesterday, my parents celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary. I am so proud of them. Their journey is one of perseverance and strength. Their loving bond conquered their differences, their budgets, and everything else the world threw at them. When times were hard, they were hard but they never gave up. Instead, they braced themselves and stood side by side, holding hands, fingers laced with a firm grip. They made it :)

I look up to them with such pride and can only hope to have a love as strong last so long. They're my idols; they amaze me. And not only are they lovers, but they are best friends, and not only are they best friends, but most importantly of all, they're teammates. Way to go Team Maman & Dad. A french waitress and an english speaking Chef with some french phrases up his sleeve came to be and tested time. They won. Man they're cool.

May 3rd also marked the birthday of a very special person in my life. Somebody that I crossed paths with unintentionally but has changed my life drastically. I think we were destined to meet. He's in love with nature. More than me. His name is William Lee Shanks, but we just call him Lee. Lee makes snow in the winter at Owl's Head and scuba dives in the summer installing docks. He's amazing and I recently just inspired him to start his own blog. I can't wait until it gets started, until then I'll keep you posted. He has a really great outlook on life and I've enjoyed many thoughtful conversations with him. I rented a room in his house a year ago when my life was changing. His was changing too. We helped each other out, and our words still find us today. We stick together because we're two peas in a pod. He's pea 1 and I'm pea 2.

I had a wonderful and warm weekend. 

i like myself the way i am

 think that I have unique eyes. They are big like my Dad's. They're green.

I think that I have an ok body. I'm working on it.

I like my mouth and I like my hair

I don't mind when people take pictures of me. I think I'm a good person.

my sister has a tat

It's starting to fade a little so she has to get it touched up soon. She said it really hurt. I believe her. I think she's brave. As you can see her tattoo is a combination lock in the shape of a heart, and it's located on her chest, right above where her real heart is. The skin is sensitive there. She said it felt like somebody was cutting her open. The tattoo took 2 hours and a half to draw. I think she's crazy. It looks cool though. It looks like it's hooked right into her skin. I still think she is brave.

sometimes i write like im someone else

I am a secret

You're a tale

Do I believe in what you know?

I have power over you.