Friday, February 20, 2009

i've been really keeping positive this whole time. now they are really testing me

Ok, I just got THE WORST news. I have been having a few health problems of late, and by late I mean it's been over a year. I've been really optimistic but in the last few months it has gotten increasingly worse and I have spent more time in the hospital than anywhere else. I am suffering from something that we still don't have the answers to. It hurts like hell in my lady parts, my stomach and it sometimes roams up my chest and down my legs, but it all derives from the same core place: my pelvic cavity. I've taken numerous pap tests, gynological exams, ultra sounds and honestly: it's fatiguing. Finally, a doctor suggested laparoscopy which is a diagnostic surgery to determine whether or not I have Endometriosis. Endo: Every month a woman sheds the lining of her uterus which we call our mentrual cycle. The uterus lines itself because every month our bodies prepare themselves for a baby. This tissue is meant to be found in the uterus uniquely.In my case, or so we think, this tissue is growing in other places. When I have my period, like any other woman, I begin to shed the lining from my uterus which is already painful to begin with. Now, the lining found on my ovaries, fallopian tubes, etc is trying to break down but cannot leave my body, which makes 'that time of the month' excruciating to the point where I have to take Dilaudid, which is 5x the strength of regular morphine. Life has become difficult to live. Peeing hurts, sexual intercourse hurts, walking hurts and bowel movements are impossible during 'Aunt Rose's' visit. The original set date for the surgery was December 22nd, 2008. The day of: I haven't eaten yet because you aren't allowed when having surgery, it's 4hpm and I'm sitting in the OR barely covered by their blue, cheap, hospital gowns. I almost had a mental breakdown when they announced that my surgery, due to complications with their last patient, has been cancelled, for TWO MORE MONTHS. Monday coming, February 23rd is the re-scheduled date. Since my last visit to the OR, I have been in the ER twice for 'unbearable pain'. I just got a call. My surgery has been cancelled again and post-poned until March 4th. This is what I feel like. They don't care how much pain I'm in at all. It's devasting. It's depressing. It's killing me.

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